Partner came home from outdoors day limping, hunched over, unwilling to sit down. I immediately went into medical support noodle mode, worrying it was a lupus relapse, scrolling in my phone for the doctor. After a quick check, I finally confirmed the diagnosis...
...shot in the ass. They'd been off playing paintball at the old tourney field, and had gotten shot in the ass because apparently the taking-cover reflex had gotten rusty during lockdown.
I'm equal parts annoyed over the needless fuss, and trying to not giggle every time I hear "ah dammit" from the next room.