A question that's been bouncing around in my head for some time. I'm very shy out in public. I get the feeling like maybe I might be too much of a burden. I've got a bunch of insecurities that I can't shake. And with my autism, I really struggle with socializing.

shy guys

tee hee

voltage-controlled said:
tee hee

mmph... who wouldn't be?

voltage-controlled said:
tee hee

I knew someone was going to reference that lol

Depends what kind of shy. There is a certain kind of shyness that comes off as creepy

planttentacles said:
Depends what kind of shy. There is a certain kind of shyness that comes off as creepy

Struggling to make eye contact

lonewolf36 said:
Struggling to make eye contact

You got the 'tism too? Man, I struggle with eye contact as well.

No matter, at worst no eye-contact can make you discerned or untrustworthy. But tbh, extreme eye contact can come off as down right creepy. It's better to not look than look when your not supposed to.

I know it's easier said than done, but as someone with a similar problem I've found that practice is the only thing that helps.
Picking up a hobby that requires you to interact with people IRL is a good starting point

To be honest, being insecure tends to be far more off putting for people than being shy. Shyness is more of a passive thing on this regard. Shy people are less likely to go up to people and form connections and make moves, which naturally will lower chance to form a romantic relationship. At best people find it endearing, at worst it usually just might make things awkward and cause misunderstandings, and just a "hey, I am very shy and it might take some time for me to be comfortable around new people" tends to be enough sort things out. It's the insecurities that tend to actively sabotage connections you make, and push away people who might otherwise be interested.

Luckily insecurities often are surprisingly easy to work on, because "fake it until you make it" works here really well. Every time you think about anything self deprecating regarding these insecurities, correct yourself with exact opposite. It will feel at first like you are lying to yourself and wasting time and energy on something pointless, but with time consistent corrections to the way you think will genuinely start working on reversing your insecurities.

I am saying all of this based on advice I have got from my therapist, and my personal experiences with how I dug myself out of the self loathing tar pit that ruined so many social connections to me, and I became far more confident person. I am still shy, I am still autistic, I still struggle with social interactions, and I am still far from conventionally attractive, but now I actually do find people who want to climb into my pants (unfortunately most of them are women and I am gay, but at least it's always flattering and a great confidence boost lol)

Many girls have a definite thing for sad wet rat men.

rupikonna said:
To be honest, being insecure tends to be far more off putting for people than being shy. Shyness is more of a passive thing on this regard. Shy people are less likely to go up to people and form connections and make moves, which naturally will lower chance to form a romantic relationship. At best people find it endearing, at worst it usually just might make things awkward and cause misunderstandings, and just a "hey, I am very shy and it might take some time for me to be comfortable around new people" tends to be enough sort things out. It's the insecurities that tend to actively sabotage connections you make, and push away people who might otherwise be interested.

Luckily insecurities often are surprisingly easy to work on, because "fake it until you make it" works here really well. Every time you think about anything self deprecating regarding these insecurities, correct yourself with exact opposite. It will feel at first like you are lying to yourself and wasting time and energy on something pointless, but with time consistent corrections to the way you think will genuinely start working on reversing your insecurities.

I am saying all of this based on advice I have got from my therapist, and my personal experiences with how I dug myself out of the self loathing tar pit that ruined so many social connections to me, and I became far more confident person. I am still shy, I am still autistic, I still struggle with social interactions, and I am still far from conventionally attractive, but now I actually do find people who want to climb into my pants (unfortunately most of them are women and I am gay, but at least it's always flattering and a great confidence boost lol)

After thinking it over, I guess I only have one insecurity, and that's still being a virgin in my mid 30s. I do know there's a silver lining that comes with it, yet it makes me feel like a black sheep in society.

lonewolf36 said:
After thinking it over, I guess I only have one insecurity, and that's still being a virgin in my mid 30s. I do know there's a silver lining that comes with it, yet it makes me feel like a black sheep in society.

I'm in my late 30s and have never jumped on the bed. It doesn't bother me.

We should make a furry wizard club.

voltage-controlled said:
I'm in my late 30s and have never jumped on the bed. It doesn't bother me.

Last time I jumped ON a bed, I was a child 😂😂😂

Kidding aside, I'm just curious to know what it feels like.

aobird said:
We should make a furry wizard club.

It wouldn't surprise me at all that there are a large number of them on here lol

Yes! I don't think people broke up with me because I was shy. It could be that the ones you really want value if you care about them and you want to take care for them, and vice versa.

sveeb said:
Yes! I don't think people broke up with me because I was shy. It could be that the ones you really want value if you care about them and you want to take care for them, and vice versa.

I would always quickly look away once they look in my direction. I always feel like I'm staring too much to the point where it may be creepy. That's the last thing I want to be called

lonewolf36 said:
I would always quickly look away once they look in my direction. I always feel like I'm staring too much to the point where it may be creepy. That's the last thing I want to be called

It's normal to look at people, especially if you're talking. Strike up a conversation, they may be in the same mindset as you, they might also be shy and think its weird to just look at people. You don't have much to lose, they'll just say no at worst <3

You don't seem creepy :)

They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

aobird said:
They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

Oh I know. I'm going to at least give it a shot. I think I've had my awakening already.

aobird said:
They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

I'm sorry I was just trying to say that the worst that can happen is that they say something, it sometimes helps to calm me down.

Like, I asked this person if they want to go out, they just said no. Or even if they told me I'm disgusting, I should be fine. I remember being called weird and creepy, and it certainly wasn't fun, but I'm still here, there isn't any world ending risk. Life went on. The person telling you bad things about yourself often wants that to change not just to hurt you. You get many more chances to learn what is okay and what is not okay.

If you're worried about being creepy, that's NOT bad. It could mean that you don't want to hurt other people and that's good. You just have to manage it.

aobird said:
They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

What, are they gonna hit you with Power Word; Death?

People are always saying things. If they can't reject someone without being mean, never mind tactful, they're pretty sorry excuses for people.

colacolabug said:
What, are they gonna hit you with Power Word; Death?

People are always saying things. If they can't reject someone without being mean, never mind tactful, they're pretty sorry excuses for people.

Not the kind of people I'd want to be around, anyway

colacolabug said:
What, are they gonna hit you with Power Word; Death?

People are always saying things. If they can't reject someone without being mean, never mind tactful, they're pretty sorry excuses for people.

yeahh +1