Artists and commissioners often request that people contact them to ask for permission to upload their work on third-party galleries. The idea behind this is entirely reasonable: they are the copyright- and intellectual property-holders of the material, and thus they want to be able to give informed consent before it's posted elsewhere - whether it be for personal or commercial reasons. However, a problem starts to arise when there's a failure of communication between these three parties.
In my experience corresponding with artists and commissioners, the reaction to a request was often distrusting or hostile. In one case, I've been called an 'art-stealing cunt' for asking, and I've been told to 'fuck off and die' in another. The most demoralizing incident was when I tried to contact a commissioner asking permission to post art of their character to e621, only to find the next morning that they filed a DMCA on all pre-existing and future art featuring them, without ever responding to my initial question.
How do you recommend trying to communicate in a way that doesn't lead to that kind of antagonism? I do still want to try asking for permission out of courtesy, but I've been demoralized due to the responses in the past. If other uploaders or even artists could weigh in on this, I'd be appreciative of any insight into improving the state of discussions.
Updated by TheGreatWolfgang