I'm gay but I haven't told my family or friends yet and I was wondering if anyone could give me suggestions to help me come out as it were

Bringing your boyfriend to Thanksgiving works, and it's about that time of year.
The way I see it they're either OK with it, and everyone has a happy holiday, or they aren't OK with it and you ruin their holiday, which is fine because fuck them for not accepting you.

Considering the lifelong impact this decision is going to have on your life, a furry porn site is the last place you want to look for advice, especially considering the fact that no one here has met your family and have no idea how they would react.

And if your username is any indication of your age, you probably still live with them, and coming out now risks making things incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.

I have to side with ippiki on this. If you're going to go forward with seeking advice from us, though, you *really* need to consider the ramifications for coming out. We won't have to deal with the fallout, we won't be there to bail you out, and we won't be around to support you. In the event the reaction is less-than-positive, or even hostile, you can easily end up losing your support base.

We can happily encourage you to do this, but know that a bunch of random people on the internet have absolutely no stake in your life and have nothing to worry about if it all goes south.

Do it by phone. It's the perfect plan.

"Hey, I'm gay"
"...huh?"
*hangs up*
"....wat"

Just print out some high quality yiff drawings, put said copies in your pockets, along with some spaghetti, and the next time that you're having dinner with your parents - have the photos and spaghetti fall from your pockets. There is a 90% chance of your parents disowning you, but sometime you gotta risk it for a biscuit.

http://www.hrc.org/campaigns/coming-out-center

If you still live with them, don't say anything. Wait till your out the house and on your own.

Peekaboo said:
you gotta risk it for a biscuit.

Best quote of all time

You: "Mom... Dad... I'm having a sex change."
Them: "WHAT!?"
You: "Just kidding, but I'm still going to be dating guys."

Unless you look forward to a life of being discriminated against, maligned, and just generally hating yourself, my suggestion: do NOT be gay.

Experience: going through it all.

Ozelot said:
Unless you look forward to a life of being discriminated against, maligned, and just generally hating yourself, my suggestion: do NOT be gay.

Experience: going through it all.

You say that like it's a choice.

Assuming you're serious, the only alternative is to deny yourself love.

Durandal said:
Assuming you're serious, the only alternative is to deny yourself love.

Which is actually a good thing in several ways tbh

Durandal said:
You say that like it's a choice.

Assuming you're serious, the only alternative is to deny yourself love.

Is this what you call love? If it is, I'll never believe in love... Ever!

Ryuzaki_Izawa said:
Which is actually a good thing in several ways tbh

Depends on the person. Some people like being alone. But some don't, and they should be encouraged.

Ozelot said:
Is this what you call love? If it is, I'll never believe in love... Ever!

All the love, twice the penises.

What is love?

TheHuskyK9 said:
What is love?

Love is creepy.

TheHuskyK9 said:
What is love?

Baby, don't hurt me.

Halite said:
Baby, don't hurt me.

Damn, beat me to it! Gonna be humming that for awhile though. It's just catchy.

On the topic: Halite, Ippiki and Misappropriated already gave good advice. Part of the reason you should make sure you're out on your own first, is because even family who becomes supportive eventually may go through an awkward or unsupportive phase at first. That stage can actually last for months or even years. If you're living on your own, then there's space for that to work out over time (and lots of awkward conversations). But if you're living at home, it could be too much and it's far more likely things will be said with impulsive emotion that people might not mean if they have a chance to come to terms with it first and it would be hard for anyone to take back stuff like that. So make sure you're living on your own first.

When you're ready to come out, the biggest thing is to be prepared for it to go really well OR really badly OR just really awkwardly. Because you never know which of those things will happen, so be a little prepared for any reaction. Then pick one person that you trust the most and think might be kind of sort of ok with it. Depending on which is most comfortable for you personally, you can either feel them out by asking how they feel about gays in general and then working up to say you're gay too. Or you can just come straight out and say it. They may need some time to think about it, or they may surprise you. Sometimes the people you think might have a problem will surprise you and actually be really ok with it. And sometimes someone you think wouldn't have a problem turns into a real jerk over it. So, make sure you're prepared for any outcome, and then do it one at a time would be my advice.

But definitely make sure you're independently out on your own first. It really makes a difference in making sure things turn out the best way they possibly can for having people come around. And when it is the right time to do this, best of luck to you!

TheHuskyK9 said:
What is love?

An emotion that our primitive mammalian brains make us experience to coax us into making smaller versions of ourselves. Love is a powerful, unpredictable emotion that has led to everything from great acts of altruism to horrific crimes done in its name or stemming from its loss (Is that what Haddaway was thinking?).

But I'm sure not above it all. I love me some love.

Halite said:
Baby, don't hurt me.

Bingo

TheHuskyK9 said:
Bingo
Edit: No mo'

Fixed that for you.

But seriously OP, I can't stress enough how much I think you shouldn't come to just us for help. Some of us here may have already come out to our parents, myself included, but we're not really going to be able to offer you any advice better than "ask your friends for support."

Kill your parents, avoid coming out to them altogether.

Clearly the best and most foolproof solution.

My advice is to never come out, honestly if they care, they'll find out some way or another, or remain oblivious if they are against it. Honestly as long as you are living with them, just do whatever makes them happy, it always turns out to be less stressful when you have a better relationship with your parents.

NotMeNotYou said:
Kill your parents, avoid coming out to them altogether.

Clearly the best and most foolproof solution.

He looks at the closet
I pull out my beretta

Thank you for the help and ideas I am really great full that you even got round to posting on this forum even though you don't know me.

NotMeNotYou said:
Kill your parents, avoid coming out to them altogether.

Clearly the best and most foolproof solution.

Ain't nobody got time for dat!

Wolfwrangler98 said:
Thank you for the help and ideas I am really great full that you even got round to posting on this forum even though you don't know me.

If you need more help & advice, there's always the Internet.

If you live with your parents. Don't say anything.

if your on your own, say something. It's your life and you live it as you want.

Only reason i say, "don't say anything if you live at home". Is because most furs who live at home are usually not paying rent and tend to get "kicked out" when they mention being gay.

If you are on your own, then you have your own place to live in and your parents acceptance or refusal, do not make a huge impact on your life.

I never told my family till after i moved out, they accepted it. If they had not, i still would have went on with my life.

Ozelot said:
Unless you look forward to a life of being discriminated against, maligned, and just generally hating yourself, my suggestion: do NOT be gay.

Experience: going through it all.

What the hell? Maybe this is your experience. Being gay is pretty well accepted in society. If you hate yourself for being gay, then you better come to terms with yourself.

Being gay isn't something you just decide or can switch at a moments notice.

Hell maybe your not gay, maybe your bi-sexual, who knows.

Still, bad advice you gave.

BetaPaws said:
What the hell? Maybe this is your experience. Being gay is pretty well accepted in society. If you hate yourself for being gay, then you better come to terms with yourself.

Haha, yeah, until you end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and someone tries to literally kill you or get you fired from a job for it. Yes, I have had that happen, and I'm certainly not the only one who has. Hell, the whole internet is filled with homophobia.

Coming to terms with it can really only go so far, when you realize people out there hate you literally for who you are and no other reason. It's called internalization.

And I never said it was a choice. Simply put, either you are or aren't. Doesn't mean you don't get to decide what to do about it.

BetaPaws said:
What the hell? Maybe this is your experience. Being gay is pretty well accepted in society. If you hate yourself for being gay, then you better come to terms with yourself.

Being gay isn't something you just decide or can switch at a moments notice.

Hell maybe your not gay, maybe your bi-sexual, who knows.

Still, bad advice you gave.

There's actually a lot of people like this in the fandom:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4481713/ I've seen more.

Being gay can be a result of a lot of things. Notice how furries tend to have bad experiences in their childhood and lack of interaction with girls or have a normal social life, also the fact that guys are easier to get and be in a relationship with when you have social problems and are desperate. Maybe they convince themselves they were born that way, because of subconscious reasons. The furry fandom plays tricks with people's minds I've noticed. You can have a person who went from being attracted to only females, then to only males. Another reason I think is basically the "I'm different than everyone else" complex and they try to get pity and support from people. It's kind of a way of acting out and attempting to receive attention from others by bragging about their problems and how they're different and all that when they probably didn't get enough in their early childhood. This might sound bad, but if you noticed, a lot of people in the furry community have the "special snowflake syndrome", where they think their differentiating identities are like a badge of honer or something. They like to tack labels on themselves to feel special or unique. I guess they see being straight as "overrated and typical", just saying. There's a lot more to talk about, but I just gave my simple input.

TheMetalVelocity said:
Notice how furries tend to have bad experiences in their childhood and lack of interaction with girls or have a normal social life

^{[citation needed]}

parasprite said:
^{[citation needed]}

Just read their profiles on furaffinity.

TheMetalVelocity said:
Just read their profiles on furaffinity.

What, every single furry in existence?

Don't be stupid.

Ryuzaki_Izawa said:
What, every single furry in existence?

Don't be stupid.

I never said every furry in existence, you did.

Seriously stop with the abused kid become gay cliché, just accept the fact that sexual orientation exist in all shapes and colors
and it is not just the case of a forgotten traumatic experience, this is just BS.
Also the fact that all guys just fall for the first person who offers sex its just...
Don't go all "freudian" on everyone, it may be true for some, but not for all people.

Yyunko said:
Seriously stop with the abused kid become gay cliché, just accept the fact that sexual orientation exist in all shapes and colors
and it is not just the case of a forgotten traumatic experience, this is just BS.
Also the fact that all guys just fall for the first person who offers sex its just...
Don't go all "freudian" on everyone, it may be true for some, but not for all people.

I've gone through so many furries profiles and all the stuff I said seems legit through observation. Some complain about being lonely and having a shit life and how they don't have a girl yet, then end up with a guy some time later on, and then start bragging about how they're gay or bi and stuff. It's kind of a self loathing thing and then they use their "Diversity and uniqueness" to boost their self-esteem by bragging about their adapted identity and stuff. Also, I never said that it was the first guy they come across.

TheMetalVelocity said:
I've gone through so many furries profiles and all the stuff I said seems legit through observation. Some complain about being lonely and having a shit life and how they don't have a girl yet, then end up with a guy some time later on, and then start bragging about how they're gay or bi and stuff. It's kind of a self loathing thing and then they use their "Diversity and uniqueness" to boost their self-esteem by bragging about their adapted identity and stuff. Also, I never said that it was the first guy they come across.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

parasprite said:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

I didn't need a whole wikipedia article. Anyway, there's no point in debating.

Fegs r ghey guys.

Also FA is a "social media" site, no matter how hard people try to twist it as it is not. This being the case, they want to garner as much attention as they can, and what better way to get sympathy than a traumatic experience or a bad childhood? It doesn't matter how much they over exaggerate it, as long as they get to play the victim, and out-victim others.

Moon_Moon said:
Fegs r ghey guys.

Also FA is a "social media" site, no matter how hard people try to twist it as it is not. This being the case, they want to garner as much attention as they can, and what better way to get sympathy than a traumatic experience or a bad childhood? It doesn't matter how much they over exaggerate it, as long as they get to play the victim, and out-victim others.

Wow, so you think being gay is all just an attempt at victimhood to get attention? Nice.

Anyway, I think it's funny that metalwhatever guy thinks that getting a guy is easier than getting a girl as a homosexual. I can tell you that this is patently not true. Being quite attractive myself, I have had quite a number of opportunities to get with females, and pretty good looking ones at that, but I have always turned them down because A. They just don't turn me. B. They don't fulfill me in a relationship. It's actually much harder to find decent males.

Ozelot said:
Being quite attractive myself, I have had quite a number of opportunities to get with females, and pretty good looking ones at that, but I have always turned them down because A. They just don't turn me. B. They don't fulfill me in a relationship.

Wow, so daring. Much confidence

Can you guys say drama?

Don't.

Tell them.
If they get pissed,then who cares.
I'm asexual in terms of who I'd actually like to fuck.

4channyGranny said:
I'm asexual in terms of who I'd actually like to fuck.

So, don't feel like sex with anyone/anything? Or did you mean pansexual (gender/form doesn't matter when it comes to sex)?

4channyGranny said:
Tell them.
If they get pissed,then who cares.
I'm asexual in terms of who I'd actually like to fuck.

This is the kind of outlook you should be avoiding. Again, if this attempt to come out to your family/close friends goes south, we won't be the ones that have to pick up the pieces. If you are so interested in coming out, do so once you have a solid support base outside your family and a firm level of independence. That way, *if* (because I'd rather not assume the worst is an inevitability) they were to take it poorly, you wouldn't find yourself facing this alone.