Some of you are probably aware the general idea exists as a natural result of conflating interests, but I had no idea it was anywhere near this developed
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_and_play
It's tough to get hard data on this sort of thing because nobody ever wants to talk about the imposed stigma, but I wonder how much this overlaps with furry culture. Nothing is ever good when it reaches 'epidemic' levels and I get the feeling it's going to run a lot deeper than anyone cares to admit.
Shit like this keeps me terrified from ever visiting cons or indeed fully immersing myself in any subculture of any kind. I'm not the kind of person who could ever be in a quote-unquote normal relationship because traditional monogamist qualms have always bored me but I don't think I could ever bring myself to even briefly hook up with someone precisely because of this, despite how it's getting to the point where I feel I'm dissociating further and further from mainstream society. My receptors reached a point where the CNS reacts far stronger to what is created, or produced, rather than what simply is – which is to say I find myself more emotionally invested in art music and literature as they have far more thought put in and thus oftentimes have more to offer than the actual people behind them. And it frequently feels like the only type of person I could see myself sufficiently interested in to pursue anything beyond casual acquaintanceship, would be through virtue of sharing common appreciation for the same kind of endorphin-stimulus.
Furries would naturally seem like one potential avenue of exploration, given the inclination to that type of animation for literally as long as I can remember (as a phenomenon it obviously long precedes myself even unto prehistory, as character projection seems to be a natural mechanism of humanity) and I've known it was an actual 'thing' that existed since at least 13 in highschool, and I'm now 26 finishing my degree trying to decide what my post-education life should entail (no pun intended). Half my life has been spent in this weirdo shit to one degree or another and to think that it doesn't have something to do with the functioning of my mind on a subcortical level would be to deny an integral part of myself. But I don't know if I can ever allow myself to be anything more than a passive observer, because it just seems that reciprocity invites vulnerability, and there stands to be a bigger downfall with this kind of risk than any other.
I know precautionary principle and basic awareness is becoming wider spread but so is potential sepsis and infection as paraphilias grow rougher and more diverse; just the phrase 'sores and abrasions in the mouth' makes my blood run cold and I know it's not something anyone is ever going to be upfront about, because why would they. Again, the stigma on this is massive - it's not just something you ask and it isn't something people are typically truthful about. Suiting isn't for me for a number of reasons and I'm not an artist, so my involvement really only extends insofar as enjoyment of the art and friendship in the community. But I'm at a crossroads now where I don't know if it will ever grow beyond something that exists solely on the internet or if I could have the wherewithal to ever take it irl.
The fact that methamphetamine is still legally approved for ADHD as desoxyn is simultaneously the funniest and saddest thing I've ever heard; my entire family has higher rates of abuse than a fucking biker gang because of this exact crutch modern psychiatry can't bare to let go of, and the neurological damage and suicide attempts that've shown to be part & parcel of long-term use and psychosis have been enough of a cautionary tale to instill a distrust of anything even remotely associated with speed, whether on- or off-label, it is just as vile as fucking heroin. Uppers and downers, amphetamines and opioids, have been responsible for so. much pain and suffering, and yet because of their origin as legal pharmaceuticals they are so thoroughly disseminated throughout society that I feel with any large-scale gathering, be it a concert a club or a con, its pervasive grasp is inevitable.
Furry helped me come to terms with myself, how the binary spectrum is little more than modern invention and human experience is limited only by whatever imposition you place on your own mind; but by that very dint I get the feeling there's a much higher percentage of furries who are willing to play a lot harder, and there's no easy to way to make discernment. And so I'm faced with a crisis of fur, wherein I'm either letting opportunities for fulfillment continually pass me by and just sort of adapt to a multi-tiered life, or try to actually find someone to connect with on a deeper level through integrative interests and shared appreciation; this is after all why people typically marry within their own religion or race (not always but obviously the preponderance is huge). So the chances for even short-term happiness seem a lot higher with someone who at least knows about the fandom – I know people with the same enthusiasm are out there, regardless of magnitude or involvement....but the cultural overlap for a 'good time' encompasses so much more that I just can't deal with it.
It's just......the older I get, the deeper I feel drawn to the idea of furry and its associated qualities, but there's still just so much depravity that keeps me at a distance. I don't know if it's something I'll ever really be able to fully 'accept' acknowledging in physicality. And it's sad something I could really care for is kept forever at bay
It may just be I'm paranoid and I know nobody cares about my stupid minutia to be bothered to read much or any of this.....but alone all night in a hotel room and I needed to get this out of my head somehow before it consumed the rest of my thoughts
Updated by Chessax
