So, had this happen to me this day. My father needed a new laptop. His current one had a shit tone of problems. It was slow, locked up over and over again, fan revved up over and over and over, and the HDD was grinding. So, I told him to go to Newegg and look through their stock, stopping shot of putting a gun to his head to convice him to instead of Bestbuy.

He gets it in the mail, and it's a fucking Gateway laptop. Gateways are the fucking used red KIAs of the computer world, in my honest opinion. Bought by people who don't know better (and frankly should).

Going on a quick tangent, can we pass a law that requires people to take a month long course before owning a computer? I'm sick of people like my parents asking me to fix every little fucking thing that goes wrong. But because I'm TGWGWC (That Guy Who's Good With Computers), every time something goes wrong, I get the fucking call. Hell, you can totally wreak your own shit because you're too fucking stupid to notice a blatant fucking scam when you see it. If you're not going to take the time researching what you're going to buy and end up fucking it up, don't cry to me. Asshole.

Back on track, he comes in and my first words are "We're going to delete Norton" more or less. Suddenly, he throws a fucking fit temper tantrum like a fucking toddler (and possibly getting me in shit with my apartment neighbors) as I try and explain that Norton is an over bloated crap fest and that Windows 8 comes with a better program pre-installed. Does he listen to his son he always fucking runs to every time he has a computer problem? Fuck no!

After I get it through his thick fucking skull that Norton is shit, I delete/uninstall all the crapware, turn on Windows 8 pre-installed protection, install his most used apps, and do a quick immunization with SB:S&D. As I'm removing the crapware, he asks me "what if I ever need them?". You won't. "But-" No, dick breath! You will never need this, it takes up spaces, and we live in Canada and can't fucking get Spotify!

I am seriously going to fucking kill my old man one day, but here's the question:

What's the biggest fucking ordeal you've gone through because your idiot relatives don't know a fucking thing about computers?

Nothing compared to yours. But had to fix some stuff.

"You have a virus"
"Did you do a virus scan?"
"Must be from all that music you download"
"Torrents? Those just get you viruses"

Not every damn problem is caused by a virus. Jesus christ.

[Log - 12:41Am 13/Ene/13]
Photo uploading and "How to use a new computer/laptop/tablet" (aka "What to do and not to do") tutorials... all ending in "First you tell me to do this in one way and now you're telling me to do it in this other way", like, as you said, nobody listens to you.

And you, my reader, probably you're like post #251497

Now, If you excuse me, I'm eating my cereal...
[End of log]

Lol

XD

You used 'fucking' 15 times in that rant.
well done

LIFE IS SO HARD

Feathering said:
LIFE IS SO HARD

I, for one, know it, but sometimes people need to vent by making a post about it on a furry site whose name rhymes with monosodium glutamate where no relatives (as far as we know) visit or know.

Also, it feels so good to vent. It's like... uh... clearing your history or your cookies!

Why is life forced upon us so violently? why, are we forced to use our knowledge of the computer to help our lessers?

Ha, that is why I am happy about my superpower to sell bacon to Jews or explain cold fusion to little kids and they then can use what I explained them.

I have been through all of this with half of every class I ever went to, something wasn't working as it should? They came to me.
No matter if it was console, handy, laptop, toaster, microwave, firecrackers, a cooking recipe or whatever.
With that said, I highly enjoy helping people, I collect knowledge and I love using it, even if somebody comes to me with a problem and I have to learn about this at the go to fix this, I enjoy these situations just more.

Anyway, there are asshats out there that I rather strangle than help but there are a couple things you could try to get them to listen to you and/or stop the stupid bullshit they do.

First, listen to them.
That is the most important part, people come to you with their mind made up and in some people is this already cemented and can't be moved, make them explain why they are here, what they want/would do themselves and why they think their way is the correct way. This will help you because you now can pick out small, wrong details and show them a better alternative, ask them what they think, make them think your way is their decision in the end, this will make it easier to force your way even to the most stoic people.

Second, make them active.
If you do something, don't just do it, explain what and why you are doing, try to find analogies they can relate to (defragmenting is restructuring a pile of loose papers into folders and then those folders into shelves for example) and learn to read them, if they have a question, answer it, the more active they are while you fix it the better everything you say sticks, if somebody is sitting across the room sleeping while you fix everything will simple mean you fix it in a month again, and again.

Third, learn to say no.
They want something from you, everything happens on your terms and your terms alone. You are the computer guru, you need to have the last word and autority about it, or else they will dance on your nose and use you like a old rag.
Tell them if you are to fix this that they have to trust you, while it is good to have concers about what you do it is bad and a little bit stupid to not accept it, you wouldn't tell a pilot how to fly the machine while it is in the middle of the air? Or how would they like it if you sat behind them in the car and constantly told them how to drive it, you trust them that their decisions are good, they trust you or they can get the hell out.
Once again, make them think everything happening is their decision in the end, not only will they feel good about it, they will remember that and you can use it against them if need be.

Other than that, don't get angry on the outside, it is way more hilarious to be silent and friendly the entire time while they lose their shit, and after they are done ask them why. This will either drive them out your door forever or they suddenly start listening to you.
Once again, I can't stress it enough to listen to their explanations, not matter how wrong they are, listen to them, understand them and then force proper knowledge down their throats, pick theirs apart, replace it with yours bit by bit, this will take time and sweat but you will succeed if you stay friendly and use their own 'knowledge' against them. While you need to invest time first chances are you need to do this only once with them.

In my experience, helping computer illiterate friends and relatives can actually be pretty painless if you make your terms clear upfront.

First off, you kindly inform them that the magic box is not to be tampered with by those unschooled in its ways. You exploit their inherent propensity to fear what they don't understand. You make it clear that you, the expert, are the only one learned enough to navigate the blue-screen-inducing, hard-drive-melting hazards of a settings menu, and only you possess the sheer mental fortitude required to disable that web toolbar instead of just mashing the "next" button in the program install wizard. Any changes they want to make must always be brought to you first, and if they muck things up trying to do something on their own, you will not be the one to intercede for their transgressions against the machine gods. Do it right and they will cower at so much as a popup notice, let alone an install wizard.

Only after you've reduced them to this most helpless and infantile of states can the learning process begin (if indeed their intelligence level permits such a thing). Teach them only what you're absolutely sure they can handle, and teach them only to invoke these forbidden rites under the exact same circumstances under which they've been taught. Putting the effort in upfront will save you a significant amount of headache later, and, barring hardware failure, will make helping them usually take no more than a 5 minute TeamViewer session every few days, if that.

But yea, I feel you, had I not come up with that method I'd have lost it a long time ago.

But I like Norton. :-( I just use it because it's familiar and comfortable. I'm not the kind of person who really exposes himself to risk situations very much, so I don't need very much protection anyway.

Pyke said:
"You have a virus"
"Did you do a virus scan?"
"Must be from all that music you download"
"Torrents? Those just get you viruses"

Not every damn problem is caused by a virus. Jesus christ.

I see that countless times online. Also, I think there's a site that thinks every unknown file running in the task manager is a virus. O.o

TheTundraTerror said:
tl;dr: convincing relatives to use what (I use) SHOULD be great but they use SHIT instead.

So....
Your bitching about old people and technology?
Brotip: If you convince them to use a different thing like IE to Firefox, hands down they will 99% use IE while having Firefox on the system.

Just a matter of preferences.

If your father doesn't know anything you should have bought the computer, cleaned the crapware, and give it back saying as little as possible.

True

Protip: That "crapware" has no actual impact on his computer's performance. It also takes up less than 5 gigabytes on a 500+ gigabyte hard drive.

And the Windows antimalware accomplishes nothing other than making your computer randomly reboot more often.

asdfzxc said:
Protip: That "crapware" has no actual impact on his computer's performance. It also takes up less than 5 gigabytes on a 500+ gigabyte hard drive.

Windows XP

asdfzxc said:
And the Windows antimalware accomplishes nothing other than making your computer randomly reboot more often.

I don't random reboo--

Saying it makes Windows reboot more often is like saying eating fiber makes you take a shit more often. They're both things you already did plenty of.

My dad used a Gateway 5150 Solo. (All the problems)
He was pretty good about being self reliant, but I don't have to worry about computer problems from him while he's in the hospital.

Mario583 said:
I don't random reboo--

Me neithe-- *BSOD*

SirAntagonist said:
My dad used a Gateway 5150 Solo. (All the problems)
He was pretty good about being self reliant, but I don't have to worry about computer problems from him while he's in the hospital.

You could just replace the computer while he's away. Just put a Gateway sticker on it. He'll never know the switch.
[citation needed]

Lol, laptops these days.
Funny that I own a laptop, but I only use it for work.

furballs_dc said:
You could just replace the computer while he's away. Just put a Gateway sticker on it. He'll never know the switch.
[citation needed]

But where will I find a computer from the paleolithic era?

SirAntagonist said:
But where will I find a computer from the paleolithic era?

Internet.

SirAntagonist said:
But where will I find a computer from the paleolithic era?

I still have one from... wait for it...

2002!

AND STILL WORKING!

@Mario583:

That some of a bitch asked for my help! This isn't a "matter of preferences". It's a matter of "I don't want you contacting me 2 weeks later because you wreaked your shit like an idiot and did something I told you not to"!

#firstworldproblems

null0010 said:
#firstworldproblems

Seeing as we live there, that is a silly observation

CamKitty said:
Seeing as we live there, that is a silly observation

Reinforcement of perspective is never silly.

Foobaria said:
Reinforcement of perspective is never silly.

Let's talk about white privilege.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a privileged whitey (on e621).

Munkelzahn said:
Let's talk about white privilege.

Let's not.

Munkelzahn said:
Let's talk about white privilege.

Hey.

Check your privilege.

null0010 said:
Hey.

Check your privilege.

I left them at the door when I came in.

lol. my dad used to call me all the time with his iphone with questions about it. he kept calling it a blackberry or an ipod.

then he would ask me about "three gees" and "my whys" (wifi) and just couldnt understand that 3G was cell phone signal and wifi is the home internet. he was like that internet meme Inept duck

Might have been said already, but never EVER let on that you know anything at all about computers. I made that mistake in my teens, and I've been my family's fucking IT guy ever since.

Spess_Muhreen said:
Might have been said already, but never EVER let on that you know anything at all about computers. I made that mistake in my teens, and I've been my family's fucking IT guy ever since.

*stops harmonica*
Sorry, express, but it's already late for us. We've done that mistake.

Run! Run, young ones! Save yourselves! Don't be the family's tecnician, get mad, demand to see life's tecnician! And say to it "I don't want to be the Family's tecnician!"

Make your family members rue the day they thought they could make you their technician! Do they know who you are? You're the man who’s gonna burn their house down! With the internet! You're gonna get your programmers to invent a combustible webpage that burns their house down!

MaShCr said:
Make your family members rue the day they thought they could make you their technician! Do they know who you are? You're the man who’s gonna burn their house down! With the internet! You're gonna get your programmers to invent a combustible webpage that burns their house down!

Anything is possible.
Even using the internet as a weapon. :I

TIL e621 users can't spell "wreck", instead typing "wreak".

Oh, wait, must be America's new spelling system. God dammit, Obama.

ANYWAY.

MFW people complain about Windows being unstable. It's only unstable if you're a moron and don't treat your computer right!

GreyMaria said:
TIL e621 users can't spell "wreck", instead typing "wreak".

Oh, wait, must be America's new spelling system. God dammit, Obama.

"Wreak" is a real word. "Wreck your car" but "wreak havoc". (Yes, I know, they did mean "wreck", but "wreak" is still a word.)

Foobaria said:
"Wreak" is a real word. "Wreck your car" but "wreak havoc". (Yes, I know, they did mean "wreck", but "wreak" is still a word.)

Implying that I am stupid and do not know that "wreak" is a word.

Think for a moment before you type.

GreyMaria said:
Implying that I am stupid and do not know that "wreak" is a word.

GreyMaria said:
Oh, wait, must be America's new spelling system. God dammit, Obama.

You want to make a joke about misuse of homophones, yet you instead alias it to difference in dialect. This was a good idea?

GreyMaria said:
Think for a moment before you type.

You are literally the best person to give this kind of advice.

You hopefully realize that most of the world doesn't speak english as their native language and that in most countries the schooling of proper english began only around a decade ago?
Mostly around the time when people old enough to use this site didn't get proper classes and the like?
There is also the bit about people remembering words on the phonetics rather than their exact letters, add in the country or region based dialect and mistakes like that are very easy to make.
And don't even get me started on these 3 people being a proper representation of 80,000 users.

But whatever makes you feel good.

Foobaria said:
You want to make a joke about misuse of homophones

"Wreck" and "wreak" are not homophones.

GreyMaria said:
"Wreck" and "wreak" are not homophones.

They are for a large portion of the US which barely even knows that 'wreak' and 'wreck' are different words at all, and use them interchangeably. I can't speak for countries outside my experience.

INTERNET FIGHT

Stawp it u guise.

No awrgumentz pls.

Just wanted to mention, everyone in my family is a computer genius. We do IT work for no dumpy idiot relatives because we have none.

pony0010 said:
Just wanted to mention, everyone in my family is a computer genius. We do IT work for no dumpy idiot relatives because we have none.

lies!!! Filthy lies!

I tend to solve everyone's issue ever... but then again it's the reason I'm the highest paid individual on my family.

I don't even have a "Thank you" or a "Thanks!" or even a "Fuck you" for bad explaining... what I've done with my life *curls into a ball and cries in the corner*

I don't even have a "Thank you" or a "Thanks!" or even a "Fuck you" for bad explaining... what I've done with my life *curls into a ball and cries in the corner*

huh... double post, again. I don't get why my phone is still doing that

Keats said:
Stawp it u guise.

No awrgumentz pls.

You better do what Nick says, mah boi!

Xch3l said:
I don't even have a "Thank you" or a "Thanks!" or even a "Fuck you" for bad explaining... what I've done with my life *curls into a ball and cries in the corner*

huh... double post, again. I don't get why my phone is still doing that

Sometimes get theat to on comp. Maybe clicked submit too fast again.

Xch3l said:
I don't even have a "Thank you" or a "Thanks!" or even a "Fuck you" for bad explaining... what I've done with my life *curls into a ball and cries in the corner*

huh... double post, again. I don't get why my phone is still doing that

Seeing as you use android you probably clicked "done" and then "post".
At least that is how I double post on my phone.
But you could simply hide your second post and play it like nothing ever happened.

I have been the family fucking technician for about 5 years. It gives me the shits. I wouldn't mind one bit if even ONE of them actually listened to what I told them so they could do it THEMSELVES. Nope.

Some of the worst are dealing with the TV. Not the computer. The fucking TV. Seriously, it seems NO-ONE in my family knows how to plug in an AV cable. I get asked to switch over AV cables all the damn time. For god's sake, they're friggin' COLOR-CODED. Yellow goes in fucking yellow, white goes in (you guessed it!) WHITE! Who'd of fucking thought? They make these things so even the most retarded user can figure it out.
Then there's the computer. Everyone besides my father uses Microsoft PUBLISHER for word processing. WTF. It's for making posters and shit. USE WORD.
Then there's flash drives. Everyone calls them "USB's". They are not goddamn USBs... a Universal Serial Port is what you PLUG THE FLASH DRIVE INTO. It's called a flash drive, or a thumbdrive (even flash stick would be acceptable).
Then next we have software... My sister uses iTunes. FUCKING iTUNES. I don't even bother helping with that shit... because the only way to fix iTunes is to UNINSTALL it. Also, don't fucking use Internet Explorer. It is the WORST webbrowser EVER. I'd rather use NETSCAPE than the latest IE.

I actually asked my family once why they didn't listen to what I taught them so they could do it them selves and they all said "Because you can do it better than us so you should do it every time." Holy shit. Next time they say that to me I'm going to ask them to come in the toilet and wipe my ass for me, because I reckon they're better at dealing with bullshit than I am. /rant

Foobaria said:
They are for a large portion of the US which barely even knows that 'wreak' and 'wreck' are different words at all, and use them interchangeably. I can't speak for countries outside my experience.

Just thought I'd say I have to disagree. I've never seen these two words used interchangeably/incorrectly. Try there/they're/their, your/you're, its/it's, etc.

PheagleAdler said:
Just thought I'd say I have to disagree. I've never seen these two words used interchangeably/incorrectly. Try there/they're/their, your/you're, its/it's, etc.

Since you asked. This and that, although those two are the only one I can find within the first page.

CameronB said:
Then next we have software... My sister uses iTunes. FUCKING iTUNES. I don't even bother helping with that shit... because the only way to fix iTunes is to UNINSTALL it. Also, don't fucking use Internet Explorer. It is the WORST webbrowser EVER. I'd rather use NETSCAPE than the latest IE.

there is nothing wrong with either of those programs

null0010 said:
there is nothing wrong with either of those programs

Each to their own I guess, it's just that in my own experience both programs have serious stability issues, bandwidth management and several security flaws. I won't berate people who choose to use them though. I use Firefox and Winamp and will happily admit that both have just as many downsides. For one Firefox has zero memory management and leaks like sieve, but has excellent stability and features. Winamp is painfully unstable, but has better compatibility and plugin support than WMP. I can play modules, Commodore 64 audio and all sorts of crazy stuff in it.

Most users don't have to worry about "security" in the sense of computers being attacked by foreign entities, they have to worry about deliberately allowing malware into their system by clicking "yes."

Foobaria said:
They are for a large portion of the US which barely even knows that 'wreak' and 'wreck' are different words at all, and use them interchangeably. I can't speak for countries outside my experience.

PheagleAdler said:
Just thought I'd say I have to disagree. I've never seen these two words used interchangeably/incorrectly. Try there/they're/their, your/you're, its/it's, etc.

NotMeNotYou said:
Since you asked. This and that, although those two are the only one I can find within the first page.

http://theoatmeal.com/tag/grammar

also
CollegeHumor Vid: Grammar Nazis

Mario583

Your solid and useful contribution to this discussion will be recorded for all future generations to admire.

null0010 said:
there is nothing wrong with either of those programs

Depends on the version.

IE6 is the devil's own creation.

Snowy said:
IE6 is the devil's own creation.

Why you would bring it up? why? WHY? WHY!? *shivers*

Xch3l said:
Why you would bring it up? why? WHY? WHY!? *shivers*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCQGQ5qBQTA

Mario583 said:
http://theoatmeal.com/tag/grammar

also
CollegeHumor Vid: Grammar Nazis

My hope is that one day you too will learn how to place your part of an answer outside of the qoutebox of another person.

NotMeNotYouMobile said:
My hope is that one day you too will learn how to place your part of an answer outside of the qoutebox of another person.

I just like making quote towers.
also, I do know

Oh oh I know how to answer! So anyways my dad owned a Dell laptop that he barely ever used, so when my cousin had to live with my dad, he let her use the laptop. My dad passed last year (sua anima requiescant in pace) and I ended up getting almost everything he owned, including the laptop. So one night quite some time later I decided to cracked open the laptop and lo and behold my cousin loaded it with so much malware that it no longer worked. Took it to 4 different repair shops, 5 different computer experts, my hacker roommate, and HIS hacker step-dad. They all said it was beyond repair. I ended up selling it back to my cousin for $30 and laughing as she keep trying to start it up. So in the end, everything went better than expected.

NightLord14 said:
Oh oh I know how to answer! So anyways my dad owned a Dell laptop that he barely ever used, so when my cousin had to live with my dad, he let her use the laptop. My dad passed last year (sua anima requiescant in pace) and I ended up getting almost everything he owned, including the laptop. So one night quite some time later I decided to cracked open the laptop and lo and behold my cousin loaded it with so much malware that it no longer worked. Took it to 4 different repair shops, 5 different computer experts, my hacker roommate, and HIS hacker step-dad. They all said it was beyond repair. I ended up selling it back to my cousin for $30 and laughing as she keep trying to start it up. So in the end, everything went better than expected.

Beyond repair? Open the chasis and hard reset the bios, most often done by removing the small support battery, remove the hdd and start the laptop, change it do boot from CD/USB/LAN, get a tool to deep format the hdd from the manufacturer, insert hdd and boot the laptop either over the program or another boot-cd and start that program, deep format the hdd. Turn off and install your OS of choice on the the newly cleansed hdd.
If that doesn't work than there is something bad with the hardware or the mainboard doesn't have a backup, which is rare.

NotMeNotYouMobile said:
Beyond repair? Open the chasis and hard reset the bios, most often done by removing the small support battery, remove the hdd and start the laptop, change it do boot from CD/USB/LAN, get a tool to deep format the hdd from the manufacturer, insert hdd and boot the laptop either over the program or another boot-cd and start that program, deep format the hdd. Turn off and install your OS of choice on the the newly cleansed hdd.
If that doesn't work than there is something bad with the hardware or the mainboard doesn't have a backup, which is rare.

Like I said, I sold it back to my cousin. The laptop is in her hands now, and the last time I saw her use it she was swinging the fucker around like it was a goddamn war club trying to get it to start. I don't think anything I or anyone could do would fix it now, 'cause the inside most likely looks like a dinner plate that got slammed on the floor. The girl is a goddamn monster!

Protip: anyone who claims to want to use netscape over IE has never used netscape.

NotMeNotYouMobile said:
Beyond repair? Open the chasis and hard reset the bios, most often done by removing the small support battery, remove the hdd and start the laptop, change it do boot from CD/USB/LAN, get a tool to deep format the hdd from the manufacturer, insert hdd and boot the laptop either over the program or another boot-cd and start that program, deep format the hdd. Turn off and install your OS of choice on the the newly cleansed hdd.
If that doesn't work than there is something bad with the hardware or the mainboard doesn't have a backup, which is rare.

http://www.dban.org/ the solution to every imaginable software problem