Hey guys,
some of you may have noticed that Petresko (the guy who created some nice experimental alien art) suddenly vanished from like everywhere some days ago, with all of his content and accounts gone, not before posting a last journal on FA titled "Fuck everything.", although you're not actually able to read it anymore since his account is locked now.

Can anybody tell what that all is about, what he wrote in that journal and has led him to that decision? I'm a bit worried since regarding to his earlier journals he always had to deal with many personal and medical issues over the last years, up to the point where he even contemplated suicide, sharing all of that to his followers, and I hope he's not gonna do something stupid now.

I always liked Personal Roomie and I really hoped he would continue working on it some day :/
Let's hope he's okay!

They didn't say anything specific in the takedown request. Their comments allude to that they hold their art to high standards.

I've actually read briefly from his last journal, but can't recall much in detail though. So please don't take this as the official reason.

I remember something where he stated that he couldn't keep up with his standards(or not improving in art), and every time he draws it's based on inspiration. Which comes to the point when he does draw, it comes out badly(in his point of view).

And he contemplated on wiping his galleries in the end, not before requesting for advice from the watchers. Strongly disregarding any comment that said that his artwork was good.

I erased everything. I had a bad meltdown and decided to wipe everything off of FA,e621 and InkBunny.
I wasnt getting any joy from drawing'.It felt like russian roulette.One in six images I'd be satisfied with at best,the other five were disasters in my eyes,despite people liking them.
For about two years I've been in a "WTF am I doing with my life,nothing makes sense" crisis and these meltdowns have become too frequent.
I might come back,but if I do I'm starting from scratch.

PS : Personal Roomie is discontinued. I kept all my species' models,but if I start drawing those again I'll rework them to stray as far from the typical anthro body type as possible.

petresko said:
I erased everything. I had a bad meltdown and decided to wipe everything off of FA,e621 and InkBunny.
I wasnt getting any joy from drawing'.It felt like russian roulette.One in six images I'd be satisfied with at best,the other five were disasters in my eyes,despite people liking them.
For about two years I've been in a "WTF am I doing with my life,nothing makes sense" crisis and these meltdowns have become too frequent.
I might come back,but if I do I'm starting from scratch.

PS : Personal Roomie is discontinued. I kept all my species' models,but if I start drawing those again I'll rework them to stray as far from the typical anthro body type as possible.

You do realize how remarkably selfish that is, right.

EightyNine said:
You do realize how remarkably selfish that is, right.

Maybe/maybe not, but ultimately it's up to the artist.

EightyNine said:
You do realize how remarkably selfish that is, right.

Selfish? I did all of this for free for others to enjoy.I don't owe any of you jack.I did the occasional commission for whoever wanted one,but apart from that nobody's paid me to do any of the works I've uploaded.

EightyNine said:
You do realize how remarkably selfish that is, right.

You do realize how remarkably selfish your attitude is, right? It's the artist's art, not yours. Thus the artist, not you, gets to decide whether they allow it to stay up or not.

Let me preface this with the fact that I mean absolutely no ill will by any of this. I know text doesnt always convey emotional intent.

I wasnt sure whether to respond at first but. No. 89 is actually the one in the right here.

By all means feel free to take down your art. Youre not beholden to anyone for anything. But maybe did you consider the reason you're doing so is not as healthy as you think?

Outbursts like this or. As you self described it, a meltdown, are clear signs of several (medicatable) but rather dangerous if left unchecked mental illnesses such as BPD.

And yes. Destroying all of your art is a selfish act. Its fundamentally selfish by design. It alienates people who are fans of your work. When youre given advice or otherwise and you choose to ignore it without even thinking you also alienate people trying to help you.

Is being selfish necessarily a bad thing? Hell no. Honestly people should probably be a bit more selfish. But actively pushing people away is a form of self destructive behaviour that can be a sign of something much deeper.

You do you. But if this isnt the first time youve felt this way. Maybe the art isnt the problem. If you have the money, maybe see a therapist now and then. Its worked wonders for my husband's depression issues and his ptsd.

Maybe theres something more to your meltdowns than you think there is.

GDelscribe said:
Let me preface this with the fact that I mean absolutely no ill will by any of this. I know text doesnt always convey emotional intent.

I wasnt sure whether to respond at first but. No. 89 is actually the one in the right here.

By all means feel free to take down your art. Youre not beholden to anyone for anything. But maybe did you consider the reason you're doing so is not as healthy as you think?

Outbursts like this or. As you self described it, a meltdown, are clear signs of several (medicatable) but rather dangerous if left unchecked mental illnesses such as BPD.

And yes. Destroying all of your art is a selfish act. Its fundamentally selfish by design. It alienates people who are fans of your work. When youre given advice or otherwise and you choose to ignore it without even thinking you also alienate people trying to help you.

Is being selfish necessarily a bad thing? Hell no. Honestly people should probably be a bit more selfish. But actively pushing people away is a form of self destructive behaviour that can be a sign of something much deeper.

You do you. But if this isnt the first time youve felt this way. Maybe the art isnt the problem. If you have the money, maybe see a therapist now and then. Its worked wonders for my husband's depression issues and his ptsd.

Maybe theres something more to your meltdowns than you think there is.

My followers have always been aware my mental instability and they should know what they sign up for once they add me to their watch list.More than a few of them ,now close friends have actually helped me when I've had meltdowns and stopped me from killing myself 2 years ago.
I've seeked professional help,was never given any,so I deal with my problems alone.
If anyone wants to see my old works they're on R34,I didn't bother removing from there,because I don't visit the cancerous site.
http://rule34.xxx/?page=post&s=list&tags=petresko

As for me,I want to forget these works,because I associate them with the original ideas I couldn't realize and they drag me into meltdowns.

It does seem like e in the e621 stands for entitled once again.
^*sigh*

It's really weird to still remember clearly several years ago the first flashes petresko did, much shorter and bit stitch looking ones and seeing over the years how everything slowly transformed to much more signature look and refined. So in that sense I can maybe understand the "selfish" part, those images are part of so many users memories at this point, some may even feel attachement to them and even if they weren't their toys, they still got taken away.

I do say thanks and hope all the best for artist. Doing something you actively feel dislike towards is not healthy and you only have single life. Try to take care of yourself.

petresko said:
If anyone wants to see my old works they're on R34,I didn't bother removing from there,because I don't visit the cancerous site.
http://rule34.xxx/?page=post&s=list&tags=petresko

Thank you for the link.

Speaking as an artist who has a remarkably hard time doing anything arty these day I totally get why you pulled your stuff. Get your head straight and maybe one day dip back into it when shit settles a bit more for you to focus. When any hobby starts feeling like a chore, Sometimes its time to stop and take a breather but by no means stop completely because deep down if it's still something you enjoy doing, By all means, Keep doing it.

Mario69 said:
It does seem like e in the e621 stands for entitled once again.
^*sigh*

It's really weird to still remember clearly several years ago the first flashes petresko did, much shorter and bit stitch looking ones and seeing over the years how everything slowly transformed to much more signature look and refined. So in that sense I can maybe understand the "selfish" part, those images are part of so many users memories at this point, some may even feel attachement to them and even if they weren't their toys, they still got taken away.

I do say thanks and hope all the best for artist. Doing something you actively feel dislike towards is not healthy and you only have single life. Try to take care of yourself.

FoxFourOhFour said:
Speaking as an artist who has a remarkably hard time doing anything arty these day I totally get why you pulled your stuff. Get your head straight and maybe one day dip back into it when shit settles a bit more for you to focus. When any hobby starts feeling like a chore, Sometimes its time to stop and take a breather but by no means stop completely because deep down if it's still something you enjoy doing, By all means, Keep doing it.

I appreciate the support. I'm not gonna quit drawing but I won't be here for a while.

petresko said:
I appreciate the support. I'm not gonna quit drawing but I won't be here for a while.

i hope that everything goes well for you :V !!

A lot of people hate their own artwork. Sometimes they makes goals they can never seem to pass, simply because they have a subconscious need to be better than what they can do. Even though you can tell that person their artwork is phenomenal and amazing, the artist them self will sometimes ignore that. It's some weird shit... Mankind hates himself.

Wow, I'm surprised my post kicked off such a discussion.

First off I'm glad you're still among us. As for your problem I have to say that I unfortunately know shit about drawing, but being a musician and writing (and soon even producing) music for my band I've got a slight idea about what you mean. Some of the songs I began to write just lie around unfinished right now, because I don't know how to complete them without being slightly dissatisfied about how they turn out. But then again I'm unable to just ditch them either because I still like the original idea that got me writing a song and I want my time spent writing it to pay off. And that's why they're just lying around right now, waiting for me to get the right inspiration to just pick them back up and finally complete them. But this may take some time, maybe even up to years.

Although everybody else somewhat said it already, take your time off and go for some other endeavors in life, and return when you feel ready for it. I know that my concept doesn't 100% apply to drawing, but I hope it helps giving you an idea about how to deal with your artistic frustration. Starting from scratch sounds like a good idea though. Thanks for all your work so far, and we hope you'll be back some time with a whole new perspective. See you soon buddy :)

I've had the pleasure to witness Petresko mature over time, but not just an artist, but as a person too. I remember when he was new here and he was a bit of a hothead, but as time went on, he's gotten calmer and his craft got better and better as the result. Eventually, I've became a fan of his work. Petresko is the only artist dude that I've seen grow from the near beginning and improve vastly. I tip my hat to you, Petresko. Hope to see you post stuff again.

HypnoBitch said:
A lot of people hate their own artwork. Sometimes they makes goals they can never seem to pass, simply because they have a subconscious need to be better than what they can do. Even though you can tell that person their artwork is phenomenal and amazing, the artist them self will sometimes ignore that. It's some weird shit... Mankind hates himself.

that kinda reminds me of something i heard of before called "project hatred". where initially a person would feel great about and excited to work on it (like making a video game) only to eventually start hating the very thought of working on it and in the end prefer to simply end it rather than continue due to how much the person now loathes it.

this art related hatred certainly sounds similar to that condition. only instead of it being any one pic or project, it's the hobby itself in this case.

might there be a more official medical or psychological term for this? from what petresko has said in this thread thus far, self-loathing does seem to play a sizable role in the condition.

"I wasnt getting any joy from drawing'.It felt like russian roulette.One in six images I'd be satisfied with at best,the other five were disasters in my eyes,despite people liking them."

like this, the more time goes on the less and less satisfied they are with their work and more they hate it. doesn't matter how much other people like it, the artist themselves will just dislike and disapprove of their own work more and more as time goes on.

for now it may be 1 in 6 pics that they like, a bit further on it might be an even smaller amount until eventually nothing seems good enough.

edit: looking at a few of those pics on R34, they look good to me. though at this point, that's probably irrelevant to your side of this issue.

you know, normally i'd agree that it's selfish of the artist to wipe their work from the internet like this but thinking about it like this... theres clearly more to it than just getting fed up with it and quitting entirely.

treos said:
you know, normally i'd agree that it's selfish of the artist to wipe their work from the internet like this but thinking about it like this... theres clearly more to it than just getting fed up with it and quitting entirely.

The meltdown has passed and normally one would regret doing something stupid like that but I don't and it feels like a burden off my shoulders.
I won't quit entirely,because drawing is literally my only skill in life.

Ecstatis said:
Some of the songs I began to write just lie around unfinished right now, because I don't know how to complete them without being slightly dissatisfied about how they turn out.

Imagine writing an instrumental and you know exactly how it sounds in your head.Then even if you write down something good that sounds very close to the original idea it's not the same - you know how you want it,but for whatever reason it doesn't turn out the way you want.

petresko said:
The meltdown has passed and normally one would regret doing something stupid like that but I don't and it feels like a burden off my shoulders.
I won't quit entirely,because drawing is literally my only skill in life.

i somehow doubt that's your only skill in life. maybe the one your best at.

still, it's good to hear your not giving up. least, not yet anyway.

petresko said:
drawing is literally my only skill in life.

Literacy is a skill. You're demonstrating your ability to use that skill well enough.

petresko said:
Imagine writing an instrumental and you know exactly how it sounds in your head.Then even if you write down something good that sounds very close to the original idea it's not the same - you know how you want it,but for whatever reason it doesn't turn out the way you want.

Welp and there's the point that breaks the analogy between drawing and composing. Well not entirely, in terms of recreating certain types of sounds (especially electronic ones), or even more producing/mixing/mastering music, this can still be really frustrating. I know people who struggled for years to achieve a nearly perfect sound for their music, but the time payed off for them, because they pushed themselves through. I recently found myself in that struggle too. But no matter how frustrated I get, I won't stop experimenting with the options I have or trying out new things, until I get the sound I want. So maybe that's what you need to try, too, by constantly improving your skills, trying out new techniques etc. If you think you've been facing that struggle for too long now to ever see your work coming out as you'd like to have it, well, maybe it hasn't been long enough then.
But instead of indulging yourself too much into this to the point where it gets unhealthy for you, you're still better off taking a break for now. And who knows, maybe some time I'll reach that point too.