Topic: The Sermon

Posted under Off Topic

You got used to the shouts and hollers and keening. You got used to the pleading and imploring and begging. Eventually you got used to the watching, and there was but one more step to the doing. So said our Guide. This much I have to confess - Hear me now!

When the Miracle happened I was a nobody. Even then, It was beautiful. I saw...

I grip my rifle. Not a proper grip, but an embrace. Oh how cold steel reminds me and cautions me on those times of blasphemy. Yes! Even I was once obsessed with precision. And the arbitrary order of things! How many times I have recanted I cannot recall - but now the time for undoing has come. I feel it now.

Hear! I saw men and women and children awash with fear. I saw the futile trappings and semblances give way to greater things. Harken Its tidings! I heard and I answered. I knelt and It told me to stand - I prayed and It told me to do. And I did. And all the Chosen did, and It neared. I was once a worker of cold steel but I heard and stood and did. We knew the bindings were futile and they knew, but they chose to resist. Resist It! They were the heralds, like I, but only fear filled their heads as they viewed their success.

Now I raise this neccessary evil. It clicks and clacks and already it sags. Repent sinners! Repent and rejoice! Our brothers are many and verily the sinners will know the true meaning of salvation.

Hear! I saw the Guides, the first prophets. They were unnamed, but they didn't need names - our Guides. Heads upon heads upon heads of equines and bovines and canines piled on amalgamated forms of innumerable maws and limbs and eyes, vestigial skins of their lesser existence clinging still upon rotting legs and repurposed hands of burden adorned in entrails, blind sentience betrayed while our enemies wait with bated breath. Evangelists of futility serving...

They spoke to me. Through no mortal means, surely - I was filled with mortal fear. Fear not! We are angels and prophets. Our mission is true and we ask only for earthly brethren. The unenlightened screamed and blasphemed and they were the first for the feast. I saw the Guides deliver and lo! They grew and salvation was at hand. We are your true saviors, oh mankind.

Oh order! Far too long has this devil oppressed and crushed!

Now I squeeze and feel deteriorating mechanisms punch and work. Work no more they will for either evil or good, as they too will be saved. As I see darkly our unsaved heathens I pray that their salvation be quick.

And now my turn has come! Lo and behold! My form crumbles! Soured and rotted is my visage as I approach It's grandeur! Molder and rot, putrify and decompose and degrade and spoil and pollute - my Guide! It devours!

IT cOmEs! it CoMEs! wE hAve truLy sErvd AnD BIrthEd ANd nOurIsHED oUr gOd. WHaT s a bTtTer ffAtte?? ITT coMeS!

H decy!

O cOrRrPtIn!

Or Gd o enTRpYy!

Updated by furballs dc

He is the lucid dream.
The mon͞st̵er͡ in your nightm͏a͘ręs̢.
Th̢e͏ ̨f̷ie͡ņd o̵f͘ a ̛҉̸t̶ḩo͟͢ưsá̡͘n͠͡d͞ ̶̕͝f̴̵͟a̡ce͏s.̀
Co̵w̵e̶̵͘r̵͘ ͘͘b̨͘e͘͡f̶o̷͏r̶̛ȩ͝͠ h̨͡i̸͘͠͞ş͘͏̧͝ ͞t̸̵r͜͞u͟e҉͏ ̨͝f̡͝͡or͜͏m͡.̷
B͘͟͞͏̶Ò͢͝͠͞W͏̴̸̨̨ ́̕͜D̷̛͠͡ỜW̢͢͟͠Ǹ̡͞ ̨͟B̷̶̨͜É̢͞F̕͘͞Ó̶̵̧́R̡̛͡E̴̕ ̨̕͟T̨́͝H̷̶͘͞E̵͞͝҉͠ ̨̛̀͟͜G̨͘O̵͏͏̶̕D͢ ̶͞͝O̸͡҉̸͠F̷̧̨͜͢ ̢͡D̸E̡͘͡͞A̵̛T̡͡H̶͢!̶̀͘͞

Updated by anonymous

PIONEER 2: RANDOM RANDOMNES 1
Rayne: So, there I was, waist deep in blood at Wetworks.
Jenny: Eeks.
Angel: Swim swim hungry, swim swim hungry?
Rayne: Mmmm.
Jake: What happened next?
Rayne: The Brute charged at me, so I was waiting to slash it. when all of a sudden...
Angel: Gasp!
Jake: So then what happend?
Rayne: It was running at me at full speed, but then it triped on something and right into my blades. Spurt!
Angel: Ha! Ha! Ouch!
Jenny: Any others?
Jake: Ummm. Well.
Rayne: Hmm?
Jake: I sorta... Happend so fast.
Angel: What did?
Jake: Well, you see... Uh. I'm pregnent.
Rayne: Huh. Well this is interesting.
Angel: Ah, must have been some sort of mutant alien type of thing I saw you with some time ago.
Jake: Yeah. I don't know how it happend. Just sorta did. Mmm... Hmm?
Jenny: Ok then.
Rayne: Right. So you're ok with this?
Jake: Sorry.
Jenny: Better him then me!
Angel: Hee! I know.
Rayne: Guh! I... Rayne.exe has stopped responding.
Jake: Ah, before I forget, one more thing, Jenny.
Jenny: What is it Jake?
Jake: I... uh. I mean. Well, it's like this.
Angel: Mew. Koosh! Koosh! *washes face*
Rayne: Catnip for the good Kitty.
Angel: Purr! *giggles*
Jenny: Oh. Meow?
Jake: I sorta kinda made a teeny weeny lil scratch to you aircar not to long ago.
Jenny: YOU DID WHAT?!
Jake: It's not thaaaaat bad.
Jenny: Must. See. Car. NOW!
Jake: Ok! Ok! *opens a garage door* See....
Jenny: My car! You'll pay...
Jake: Oh, calm down.
Jenny: You call this a little scratch?! I make big dent in your forhead next!
Jake: Oh come on! I'ts not even noticeable from the front or back. Eeep! *dodges Foie*
Rayne: Think there would be an easy way to fix it.
Angel: Yeah, you'd think, but... Hey!
Jake: Now don't do anything hasty! Ahh!
Jenny: Can I borrow this? Thanks.
Angel: My Chain Sawd! ...Please be gentle with it. Don't want it scratched.
Rayne: Think I'll sit this one out.
Jenny: Whatever. *turns Chain Sawd on*
Jake: EEKS! *runs faster dodging Foie and Barta*
Rayne: Waiter! Check please.
Waiter: We don't serve your kind around here.
Rayne; Is it so? 'blades extend*
Waiter: Ahhh! No! Nooo! Not the neck! *screams like school girl* Whyyyyyyyyyyy?! *bitten by Rayne*
Angel: Ah, quite messy now. Well, goodnight everyone!
Rayne: Mmm. Not bad. Try some Angel.
Angel: Ah. No thanks. *tips her hat*
Jake: My arm dosn't bend that way!
Jenny: Snappy bendy!
Angel: So, how bout those Rappies?
Rayne: Ah, didn't do so well in the second quarter.
Angel: Eh, they were never any good to start with.
Rayne: True, seems to be getting worse every season.
Angel: Yep. Say, Rayne, you still have a little on you.
Rayne: Oh, thanks. *licks blood off*
Angel: Goodnight everyone in Photon Land. Stay classic.
Rayne: Or generic.
Angel: I love you.
Rayne: Not now. We're still broadcasting.
Angel: This job dosn't pay enough.
Rayne: Good for some Mesta.
Angel: Gil too.
Rayne: The copyrights...
Angel: No copyright law in the Universe will... I forget. Oh whatever.
Rayne: Ding! Now lets take the cake out of the oven and see how it turned out.
Angel: Nothing to see here.
Rayne: The cake is a lie.
Angel: I can hear you people at home booing. Huh. But not the audience.
Rayne: Your welcome.
Angel: Nice. Nothing but blood and body bits. Does the insurance cover this?
Rayne: Hey, I was bored, ok. But, now that you mention it, is covered.
Angel: Cool.
Jake: My spleen!
Jenny: My car!
Angel: My word!
Rayne: My Blood Bunnies!
Angel: Should the camera man be nodding off like that?
Rayne: Huh? Oh, he isn't napping cause he's bored.
Angel: Raaayne!
Rayne: Hee! *camera man falls on mattres*
Angel: No bite marks. What did you do to him?
Rayne: Switched his coffee with decaf.
Angel: That was mean. So... where's the regular coffee?
Rayne: Over here.
Angel: Woo!
Rayne: Some random stuff.
Angel: Some random reply.
Rayne: Guess it's getting close to bed time.
Angel: Yup, should get ready.
Rayne: Mmm. Nice and cozy.
Angel: Yes.
Rayne: Let's try somthing different tonight.
Angel: Okay?
Rayne: Goodnight Angel. *she went right to sleep*
Angel: Goodnight. Aw.

Maybe the other one would have been better for this, but that one isn't finished.

Updated by anonymous

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