Alright, I know this wasn't the best title of a topic here, but I haven't the slightest clue of what to call it.

Please read this with an open mind. I normally a very shy person, but my last general discussion topic kind of opened my shell. Perhaps this is a little TMI, but there'd be no way in Hades I'd try explaining this to a friend in real life... Perhaps I need new friends.

The summer before last (since school started yesterday for all the ES/MS/HS kids), I kind of got a sexual attraction to my friend. He was kind of heavier-set, had a great personality, but was kind of oblivious.

I was always so nervous to go over to his house because his brother was a wannabe gangster, his dad was a homophobic shitlord, and his mom was kind of an airhead. Plus, on top of that, everytime he bent over to get something, I'd start to pop a stiffy.

I started to really get concerned with myself when I secretly took one of his pairs of (clean) underwear from his basket when he wasn't looking. Like, I was the overly-attached girlfriend he never had (more like stalker, but whatever). Seriously, who does that?! (Apparently me...)

Now that I think back on those times, I kind of still have those attractions, but I know that even when he moves back to Reno, I still won't be able to act on those feelings. It truly kills me. He's almost exactly like me, except for his body type and lazy eye.

So riddle me this:
1) Is it normal to have sexual feelings for a long-time straight friend?
2) How can I prevent catching the feels?

Feels come from getting close to a person, so it's perfectly normal to be attracted to somebody you've been friends with for a long time. This is why "Friendzone" isn't a bad thing--You didn't ruin anything, and there's still the potential that they may develop feelings in return.

There's no real way to prevent it aside from mental conditioning, which is iffy at best and dangerous at worst.

Furrin_Gok said:
Feels come from getting close to a person, so it's perfectly normal to be attracted to somebody you've been friends with for a long time. This is why "Friendzone" isn't a bad thing--You didn't ruin anything, and there's still the potential that they may develop feelings in return.

There's no real way to prevent it aside from mental conditioning, which is iffy at best and dangerous at worst.

I don't see it happening any time soon, but one can only hope, right?

Why can't there be more people like him? Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places... Well, thanks for the advice.

Regardless of how I felt about someone being attracted to me, stealing my underwear would legitimately piss me off. That shit costs money.

Heh... yeah...

2. Well, it's difficult for me to think of a person sexually if I'm constantly reinforcing the idea that they're sexually repulsed by me.

That's actually what helped me get over my shyness around girls I was attracted to after reaching a certain age. Well, that and actually becoming friends with a girl who shared my interests that I could talk casually with.

I don't really have a high opinion of myself, and perhaps that's the reason I'm a recluse, but people have straight told me to my face that they'd rather shoot themselves than go on a date with me.

I'm not shy around people- I'm borderline scared of people. Pair that up with being part of the gay minority, and now you understand why I can't go outside without hearing the voices at the back of my head telling me that I'm not good enough for him. That I'm too low-maintenance for someone like them. That I just come off as a creepy dude who likes Furries.

Given an exceptional level of personality compatibility, I'd say it's normal.

this is probably the gayest thing you will read today but I felt like getting it out of my system

Knotty_Curls said:
Given an exceptional level of personality compatibility, I'd say it's normal.

this is probably the gayest thing you will read today but I felt like getting it out of my system

Many moons ago, I developed a desperate attraction to one of my schoolmates. He was, and still is, absolutely perfect in every way. We share interests, humor, and a desire to just go out and do things, such as cruising around at 2 in the morning, or volunteer work at fairs, or even hitting the gym at midnight. I admire him as a student, and I hadvea tremendous amount of respect for him as a person because he didn't use his health disorder as a social crutch (pity, attention, whatever). Also he's hot as fuck.

During a tough time at school, he was one of the few reasons I felt enthusiastic to get up in the mornings. When my home life got shitty, I started spending a lot more time with him. I wanted to do everything in my power to make him happy, and I had an intense desire for him to wrap his arms around me and nuzzle my hair. In other words, I wanted him to bang my brains out.

Eventually I worked up the courage to flirt with him, and one day it became very obvious that the feeling was never going to be reciprocated. I went through various cycles of self-hatred - I hated myself for even being able to be attracted to him in the first place, I hated myself for being male, I hated myself for the cringy gestures I made, then I hated myself because I felt selfish for wanting more than just his company. He was an emotional roller-coaster, the likes of which I haven't experienced since.

At the very least, I can't fault myself for not trying. There are no nagging what-ifs, but I can't help but feel a bit of jealousy when I see him and his current girlfriend. It's probably bitchy for me to say so, as I barely know her, but I got the impression that she is extraordinarily plain. But whatever. I believe people like him just deserve to be happy.

There is the slightest chance that he may read this, as I don't know if he still occasionally browses this site, and I apologize if this makes him uncomfortable in any way - but I have gotten over the whole "we're never going to bang" thing. I do still look up to him as a person, and I like the fact that when I visit home, we're able to pick up right where we left off. No homo.

Wow... that's rough. I've never had the courage to do something like that, but then again, it's not every day I find someone like my friend. Mad props though, dude.

EDIT: And I didn't mean for that to come across like it didn't matter. I see what you meant.

Nikolaithefur said:
So riddle me this:
1) Is it normal to have sexual feelings for a long-time straight friend?
2) How can I prevent catching the feels?

1. Yes, completely normal and quite common, albeit a bit awkward

2. you don't, you can only get over them. The ride starts now.

1. Yes
2. Possibly very bad advice follows:

Confess to him.

Then you will either get rejected or accepted. Even if rejected you no longer have the anxiety and feelings of going around hoping, because the hope is no more. Instead you will get depressed because of crippling self-doubt related to questions about why he rejected you and decided to never talk to you again.

Good luck.

Chessax said:
1. Yes
2. Possibly very bad advice follows:

Confess to him.

Then you will either get rejected or accepted. Even if rejected you no longer have the anxiety and feelings of going around hoping, because the hope is no more. Instead you will get depressed because of crippling self-doubt related to questions about why he rejected you and decided to never talk to you again.

Good luck.

I do not support giving relationship advice to people over the internet, especially in text. You should try to find someone to talk to in person. There are even professionals you could talk to, that way you don't have to talk to someone you know.

However, this may result in you losing your friend, OP.* Like Chessax said, we're not going to have the answers here

*source: my life experience

Does he even know you're attracted to men?

My hubby and I are only together because I had the balls to ask. He and I both were under the impression that he was straight.

Turns out he was a lot less straight than he thought.

Ko-san said:
Does he even know you're attracted to men?

He knows I'm gay, but to be honest, he hasn't really shown any sexual desire to either sexual gender... He's in PA right now, but he's hopefully moving back sometime soon... I can't wait.

The only thing that I'm concerned about is his younger brother (16, not 12 or something). We kind of had a relationship back when they still lived in Reno. I don't want to test my luck with my friend in case his brother tries telling his homophobic stepdad that I tried hitting on one of his stepson.

Nikolaithefur said:
The only thing that I'm concerned about is his younger brother (16, not 12 or something). We kind of had a relationship back when they still lived in Reno. I don't want to test my luck with my friend in case his brother tries telling his homophobic stepdad that I tried hitting on one of his stepson.

That's a very... complex relationship structure.