I'm so fucking great. So I actually did get my new device rooted, but the SU handler was an idiot and couldn't even utilize the root itself even though it acknowledged it and tried in vain to use the permissions. So even though nethunter auto ran it's boot up it obvs just infinitely tried to load and failed.
So anyway, I went from that bullshit to actually full-on getting an ENTIRE PC Kali distro running where all I had to do was run a single command and eventually I even created a cute little custom icon for the home screen that I could tap to boot into it as a sort of shortcut. And the cherry on top: I can close it just like an "app" (but keep it running indefinitely backgrounded) and quickly switch to using my custom ported PwnieExpress apps/scripts (as well as the rest of the device normally) no problem. So AWESOME!
