Sharp_Coyote said:
I do not understand depression, not really (...)

Depression, as I know it, is nasty ... It cannot be put into words fully, But in music, it's like hearing Small-Shock ( or Forest, Rainy-Day, or so-on ) for hours upon end.
If dare to say, once got gripped by it, no good idea would come, all scenery becomes monotone, get exhausted, finally despair of everything.
So, What @KynikossDragonn needs now is a long time to rest/recover.

Anger would not be fitting him either, I think.
Mine was replaced by Poison, as the price I paid for despairing of everything, including life, and being reincarnated as a fox.　That is, active-nihilism, zero-sum thinking, and PFP-like strong personality.
Hence, Coming this way is Not really recommended.　As it'd mean carrying crosses.