A love letter to Subaru

Dearest Subaru Corporation (née Fuji Heavy Industries),

I applaud the cost-cutting measure employed by your design team by not actually employing designers or stylists, instead executing an unholy (and hitherto forbidden) automotive mating ritual betwixt a Crosstrek and 2015 Civic sedan; contrary to your detractors, I am fair-convinced the new second-generation standalone Subaru WRX barely looks like a toddler with a poopie diaper

I also commend your marketing department for its rebranding, nay, the reimagining of the 50cc scooter-derived CVT transmission as the "SPT" or Subaru Performance Transmission, as any owner of a late-model Mitsubishi Mirage or Chevrolet Spark will attest to the enthusiast nature and sporting pedigree of the gearless gearbox.