Never really understood it. Just seems wrong to my tastes; if you love someone, why share their body? I mean, wouldn't it sound weird if your significant other asked you 'Honey, can I be a cumslut and fuck everyone I know?', that really wouldn't sound enticing, and would honestly make you question your devotion to said person... Sure sex is just sex, but despite how many people try to deny it, sex always has some sort of passion and emotion tied to it, even if it's just meaningless as they say. I'm a monogamous person, and I even tend to get jealous and possessive; some people may find such a thing irritating, and some may find it romantic.

I just don't see how being the biggest whore is a romantic thing; if your lover can't sate your appetite, why be in a relationship in the first place? Just seems like they aren't meant to be with you, in all honesty..

Hanbei said:
Just seems wrong to my tastes

found your answer

Hanbei said:

I just don't see how being the biggest whore is a romantic thing

Being in an open relationship isn't just about sex, it is entirely possible to love more than one person. It also doesn't mean the relationship is open to just anybody; for better or worse, the same standards would apply as they would when single.

That being said, it isn't for everybody. If you get jealous easily (which is very common) it is definitely not for you.

Oh and as a side note, if you happen to be bisexual*, you are likely to have trouble finding someone who will satisfy you sexually/emotionally 100% of the time. This doesn't mean they can't be monogamous, but it will often be fairly...problematic, at times.

*, pansexual, etc...

Hanbei said:
Never really understood it. Just seems wrong to my tastes; if you love someone, why share their body? I mean, wouldn't it sound weird if your significant other asked you 'Honey, can I be a cumslut and fuck everyone I know?'

It would also sound weird if they said "Honey, can I be a total prude and abandon all intimacy with everyone but you and become an empty, hollow husk?" and yet that's about as accurate of a description as your own.

You can make things sound weird if you phrase them right, yes. That doesn't actually say anything about the act or choice itself.

Here's a relevant XKCD.

Honestly I'm not convinced you're even interested in understanding open relationships, if you're framing them in this way, so I don't see why I should put in the effort to explain.

Clawdragons said:
Honestly I'm not convinced you're even interested in understanding open relationships, if you're framing them in this way, so I don't see why I should put in the effort to explain.

Hanbei said:
I even tend to get jealous and possessive

Furrin_Gok quoted some stuff.

I don't get the point you're trying to make putting those two quotes together.

Clearly, an open relationship is not going to be for them, but a person doesn't need to be interested in participating in an open relationship to be open-minded about understanding them. I'm questioning how much this person actually wants to understand open relationships, not whether they'd want to be in one themselves.

Clawdragons said:
I don't get the point you're trying to make putting those two quotes together.

Clearly, an open relationship is not going to be for them, but a person doesn't need to be interested in participating in an open relationship to be open-minded about understanding them.

The point is that OP's personal beliefs are such that he probably cannot comprehend why anyone would enjoy polygamy.
It's pretty hard to be open-minded about something you perceive as betrayal in the name of decadence. I know you think your way of thinking is the right way but... not everyone agrees.

well it's not like anyone asked for your opinion on the matter

Seriously though, why post about this topic? What brought this on?

Nope, never been in any relationship, but I think I can say that open relationships are based on trusting your partner like, as you say, if you're jealous, things ain't gonna work so easily.

Though, saying things like that, in any relationship, will lead to awkward results.

^{_{but what do I know anyway? :v}}

Hanbei said:
Never really understood it.

me neither
being in an open relationship just takes all of the fun out of cheating on your partner!

Fenrick said:
The point is that OP's personal beliefs are such that he probably cannot comprehend why anyone would enjoy polygamy.
It's pretty hard to be open-minded about something you perceive as betrayal in the name of decadence.

I don't think you understand what "open-minded" means. If you are not open-minded to ideas that you do not personally agree with or hold, then you are not open-minded. Being open-minded doesn't mean simply accepting those ideas either. The greater portion of it is simply trying to understand those ideas, whether you agree with them or not.

My point then, is that Hanbei seems to have indicated that they're not open-minded, at least on this subject. I think they are probably more than capable of understanding why people choose open relationships or polyamory, but I don't think they are willing to understand.

Which then goes back to my original point. Why should I try to explain it, and why did they make this post?

I know you think your way of thinking is the right way but... not everyone agrees.

Of course I think my way of thinking is correct. Everyone thinks their own way of thinking on a subject is correct, or they wouldn't think that way on that subject to begin with. The difference is, I recognize that people disagree with me, and I'm willing to consider their point of view.

Really the way you put this is incredibly obnoxious and antagonistic.

im the kind of person who gets easily jealous and cannot share at all but if other couples like sharing then why the hell not? as long they both consent and have good time, then why the hell not? just because i dont like sharing my partners with anyone else does not mean that others cannot do things that i would not like to do in my own relationship cuz it has absolutely nothing to do with my relationships.

Mutisija said:
im the kind of person who gets easily jealous and cannot share at all but if other couples like sharing then why the hell not? as long they both consent and have good time, then why the hell not? just because i dont like sharing my partners with anyone else does not mean that others cannot do things that i would not like to do in my own relationship cuz it has absolutely nothing to do with my relationships.

This is a good demonstration of my point. You can have feelings of jealousy and still understand polyamory, or at least be accepting that other people feel differently.

Thank you Mutisija, for being a good person.

Also, for the record, unrelated to the above, I'm not polyamorous myself. I felt like clarifying now for a couple of reasons.

Ryuzaki_Izawa said:

Seriously though, why post about this topic? What brought this on?

Maybe this?

https://e621.net/pool/show/7623

furballs_dc said:
Maybe this?

https://e621.net/pool/show/7623

That seems like a very cool way to have a polyamorous relationship; if single, it is great for the '3rd slice', and the couple are still very close.

If the '3rd slice' already has a partner, they had better have some pretty solid rules in place. This can also start a dialogue about having a 4-person pizza party!

Now I feel like pizza for dinner.
.
..
...
(literally, not a foursome)

Clawdragons said:
Really the way you put this is incredibly obnoxious and antagonistic.

Mister

I don't see why I should put in the effort to explain.

teaches us a lesson in how to avoid being antagonistic.

Biggest problem with OP is considering romantic and sexual relationships as the same thing.

OP's opinion seems immovable already. What are you trying to say with this flip-flopping sentence?

Sure sex is just sex, but despite how many people try to deny it, sex always has some sort of passion and emotion tied to it, even if it's just meaningless as they say.

Who exactly is denying that it's passionate? Does it really always have passion and emotion tied to it? Again, who's saying it's meaningless? Is sex ephemeral pleasure or not?

When I first clicked on the thread, I was expecting an open discussion on the pros and cons of monogamous and polyamorous behavior. Instead, all I saw was a grossly exaggerated example of promiscuous behavior and some slut-shaming to boot. I'm with Ryuzaki on this one - why did you feel the need to share your thoughts on this?

tl;dr

I have no relationship with other people. I've never been on a date. I don't even see myself getting married or having children.

Although I'm only 22 years old, so I still have a freedom of choice.

GameManiac said:
I have no relationship with other people. I've never been on a date. I don't even see myself getting married or having children.

Although I'm only 22 years old, so I still have a freedom of choice.

Pretty much the same story for me. Used to be bisexual at some point, but it subsided into asexuality; no need for anyone, can do whatever I want, whenever I want, in solitude.

HotUnderTheCollar said:
Pretty much the same story for me. Used to be bisexual at some point, but it subsided into asexuality; no need for anyone, can do whatever I want, whenever I want, in solitude.

So a person's sexual orientation can actually change?
Though in this case, "change" is probably the wrong word, because most people wouldn't see asexuality as a sexual orientation (more as a lack thereof).

Munkelzahn said:
So a person's sexual orientation can actually change?
Though in this case, "change" is probably the wrong word, because most people wouldn't see asexuality as a sexual orientation (more as a lack thereof).

I experienced it that way yes. Believe it not, e621 played a big role in that.

I still enjoy the pictures of course, but just lack any need of relationship.

Let's all give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume everyone's open-minded enough for this discussion. We're all adults here.

I think the distinction between sexual and romantic relationships is important, but beside the main point. I ask, why does monogamy make sense in any kind of relationship? If you love someone, and that person wants to see other people – romantically, sexually, whatever – why stop them? Just let them do whatever makes them happy. It doesn't harm you.

It's understandable that you feel possessive and jealous. But you need to recognize that those negative emotions can only hurt a relationship, and that they need to be dealt with first. It's not fair to coerce your partner into monogamy because you're unwilling to resolve your own possessiveness and jealousy. That presumes your mental health is more important than your partner's, doesn't it?

EDIT:

Hanbei said:
I just don't see how being the biggest whore is a romantic thing

It's not. Your hypothetical poly partner isn't sleeping around to be romantic with you. They're doing it because it makes them happy.

Hanbei said:
if your lover can't sate your appetite, why be in a relationship in the first place?

Because they make you happy and you make them happy. Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.

Hanbei said:
Just seems like they aren't meant to be with you, in all honesty..

No one is meant to be with anyone.

Maxpizzle said:
Let's all give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume everyone's open-minded enough for this discussion. We're all adults here.

I think the distinction between sexual and romantic relationships is important, but beside the main point. I ask, why does monogamy make sense in any kind of relationship? If you love someone, and that person wants to see other people – romantically, sexually, whatever – why stop them? Just let them do whatever makes them happy. It doesn't harm you.

It's understandable that you feel possessive and jealous. But you need to recognize that those negative emotions can only hurt a relationship, and that they need to be dealt with first. It's not fair to coerce your partner into monogamy because you're unwilling to resolve your own possessiveness and jealousy. That presumes your mental health is more important than your partner's, doesn't it?

you realize that telling partner to not have sex with others is not necessarily damaging to them? also do you realize that for some people it is more damaging to let their partners to have fun with others than it is for their partner to not have side things.

Open relationship
Open relation-ship
Open ship
Ship

Confirmed: Open relationships are indeed ships

It's not exactly that I don't like the idea, it just rubs me the wrong way in a sense... I'm as open minded as a zombie with a hatchet in it's head; I personally just don't see the romance in sharing your partner... Now being in a 3-way relationship is different, I can see how you can love two people at the same time, and to have all three of you love each other equally. I just don't understand how it can be 'okay' for someone to allow their partner to go off and sleep around with anyone they want... I'm not trying to be a dick (even though I'm really not proving myself to be.), I just don't see the need for romance if you don't have someone to call specifically your own. Yes, monogamous relationships fail a lot, but so do open relationships. It can cause problems, including one falling for another through an interaction. I see the difference between sex and making love; as 'meaningless' sex is often had with as little romantic emotion as possible; though truth be told, there's a lot of spiritual and mental bonding in that sense.

I'm just saying, to me, I really can't see the romance in it... Sure it can be sexy as fuck, but romantic? I'm not seeing that correctly. :\

well why are you still complaining about it then omg

Mutisija said:
you realize that telling partner to not have sex with others is not necessarily damaging to them?

Sure, but that's when both partners are fine with just each other, which isn't the issue at hand. The issue is when one partner wants to be mono and the other wants to be poly; which one should yield to the other's wishes? I argue that the mono should yield, because the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness that make them mono are toxic and should be eliminated anyway.

Mutisija said:
also do you realize that for some people it is more damaging to let their partners to have fun with others than it is for their partner to not have side things.

Again, I can only see this being the case as a result of jealousy and possessiveness, which have to be dealt with anyway if the relationship is going to be healthy.

I actually do have a friend with this kind of relationship with a woman and another man. They all seem happy with it from what I understand but they don't deviate from the circle, that is, the 3 of them are all faithful to eachother. Polygamy isn't exactly a new thing and as long as nobody is getting their heart broken, I don't see what's actually wrong with it. Myself? I'd never share but, each to their own after all.

Hanbei said:
It's not exactly that I don't like the idea, it just rubs me the wrong way in a sense... I'm as open minded as a zombie with a hatchet in it's head; I personally just don't see the romance in sharing your partner... Now being in a 3-way relationship is different, I can see how you can love two people at the same time, and to have all three of you love each other equally. I just don't understand how it can be 'okay' for someone to allow their partner to go off and sleep around with anyone they want... I'm not trying to be a dick (even though I'm really not proving myself to be.), I just don't see the need for romance if you don't have someone to call specifically your own. Yes, monogamous relationships fail a lot, but so do open relationships. It can cause problems, including one falling for another through an interaction. I see the difference between sex and making love; as 'meaningless' sex is often had with as little romantic emotion as possible; though truth be told, there's a lot of spiritual and mental bonding in that sense.

I'm just saying, to me, I really can't see the romance in it... Sure it can be sexy as fuck, but romantic? I'm not seeing that correctly. :\

I'll take you at your word then, that you're willing to give this issue a good amount of thought, though I'd appreciate it if you could stay away from the sort of language you used in your first post - that is, calling such individuals things like "cumslut".

First, you seem to be trying to inject romance into a situation in which it is not particularly relevant. The "open" aspect of an open relationship is not supposed to be romantic. If it were, it wouldn't be an open relationship, but a multiple-partner relationship, which is different.

Let me try to explain it this way. A third person coming into a relationship may simply spend time with one or both partners (emotional attraction), they could be inducted into the relationship (romantic attraction), or they could have sexual relations together (sexual attraction).

If an emotional attraction exists, but not the others, we would generally call that a friendship. If a sexual attraction exists, that would qualify it as an open relationship, if a person had permission to act on that attraction from their partner. If a romantic attraction exists, then it is no longer an element of an open relationship, but it is more of a multi-partner relationship.

What this all means is, the reason you can't find any romance in all of this is because none exists in such a pairing, almost by definition.

You seem to have trouble understanding why someone might want to have sexual relations outside of a pair bond, so let me provide you with an example of a situation I've seen before.

Imagine yourself in this situation. You fall in love with someone, and you become partners. However, when the relationship progresses to a certain point, this person that you love admits to you that they don't really like sex. They consider themselves asexual, but not aromantic, and so they'd like to remain in the relationship with you if you're willing. You love them, enjoy their company, and so on... You don't want to lose the relationship you have, but you are not asexual.

Now, you are in a dilemma. You can break off the relationship that you have with them, even though you love them. You can abandon your own sexuality. You can try to get a third person into your relationship, for a multi-partner relationship. Or you can have an open relationship.

Since romance seems to be very important to you, let's look at the romance in THIS relationship. Is it romantic to say to someone you love "well, you don't want sex, so this just won't work out"? You are abandoning a romantic relationship for the sake of getting sex. That seems like the exact sort of thing you are objecting to. The second option... I think it's rather unhealthy to abandon your own sexuality for the sake of someone else, in the same sense that it would be unhealthy if your partner demanded that you have no other friends but them. The third option is a reasonable one, but, you understand feelings of jealousy. Imagine, for a moment, that's how your partner felt. They don't mind you sharing your body - it is not something they care about - but a third member of the relationship would be sharing your heart. I imagine that you can understand how that would inspire jealousy. So now let's look at the third option, and see if it is really so unromantic in this context. Here, it could be said "I love you, and I understand you have needs I can't satisfy. I'm fine with you satisfying those needs with others."

In some ways, I think that could be considered very romantic indeed. Recognizing that a person has desires that you can't fulfill, and allowing them to act on them. Accepting them overall, for the sake of maintaining a romantic relationship with them. Do you think you can understand the value in that now?

This same sort of reasoning can apply to relationships with very different sex drives. Or relationships in which one person has sexual desires which simply can't be filled by one person (say, for instance, they are bisexual, or a zoophile of the sort that desires both human and animal relations).

Romance is not a component of the open side of an open relationship, but the other half of an open relationship... Accepting someone fully, and that you cannot necessarily satisfy another person in all ways forever, but that you still value your bond, and want to work to keep it... Well, I think that can be considered quite romantic indeed!

(Yes, this ended up quite long. That's why I wanted to be sure you actually wanted to hear what I had to say before writing this all out)

I identify as a multihuman collective

Lance_Armstrong said:
I identify as a multihuman collective

We are Hugh.