Hi,
Im writing on a big Fanfiction at the moment, i kept it secret and wanted to puplish it first its finished, well doesnt work like that. ^^
So Im questioning the community what they thing about my Zootopia OC Character I created. Also what they thing about my writing style. If you have any complaints or tips how I can advance my style, pls comment.

Ps: Its only one style of many im going to use, so dont expect me to use it 24/7 in my Story.

Link:
https://www.wattpad.com/317045857-oc-zootopia-character-concept-leon-kennedy-a-well

Edit:
Sorry made a HUGE mistake, uploaded a old file and deleted the reworked one. Sorry for those who read this shit. Going to post a new link soon.

Edit of the Edit:
I replaced the wrong text.

The entire thing is littered with orthographical and grammatical errors, words capitalized when they shouldn't be, awkward sentence fragments, incorrect/missing punctuation, word choice that gets repetitive and boring, and run-on sentences. Get a dedicated proofreader/editor and don't publish your drafts as if they were finished works.

If you can get an editor, send them your works-in-progress every once in a while, so you can fix these things before you actually make your writing publicly viewable.

Jackalfag said:
The entire thing is littered with orthographical and grammatical errors, words capitalized when they shouldn't be, awkward sentence fragments, incorrect/missing punctuation, word choice that gets repetitive and boring, and run-on sentences. Get a dedicated proofreader/editor and don't publish your drafts as if they were finished works.

If you can get an editor, send them your works-in-progress every once in a while, so you can fix these things before you actually make your writing publicly viewable.

First I thought you are kidding me, but then I was looking at the link, poorly noticing I uploaded a wrong data. ^^'
This was just my prework, I thought I deleted it. Must have mixed up thedata.

First things first, present tense does not usually work for stories. Some writers can get away with it, particularly if they write in first-person perspective, but here it just... honestly does not work at all. I suggest switching to past tense.

Clawdragons said:
First things first, present tense does not usually work for stories. Some writers can get away with it, particularly if they write in first-person perspective, but here it just... honestly does not work at all. I suggest switching to past tense.

Honestly I experimented here a bit with it. I only created it cause RogueLizard accepted to draw my OC. I used this cause I thought I could put there the most info with the least amount of words. I also thought to use it later in flashbacks.

OneAndOnlyMetalGear said:
Honestly I experimented here a bit with it. I only created it cause RogueLizard accepted to draw my OC. I used this cause I thought I could put there the most info with the least amount of words. I also thought to use it later in flashbacks.

I'm confused. You ask for feedback on your style and then when I give it you seem dismissive, like "oh well this isn't even important so yeah".

Clawdragons said:
I'm confused. You ask for feedback on your style and then when I give it you seem dismissive, like "oh well this isn't even important so yeah".

Oh, Sorry when it sounded like that. ^^

Only because I experimented here a bit doesnt mean Im not taking your critic serious, I actually wanted to see how past tense works in fanfictions and how I could use it properly.
So you say it doesnt really work? Ok, maybe i have to change the style or maybe make it less "compact".
Im definetly going to check my already written pages for past tense.

Honestly I experimented here a bit with it. I only created it cause RogueLizard accepted to draw my OC.

I just wanted to say that this isnt the style im going to write my Story through and that it is very compact to pack information in the least amount of words.
Im not native English and sometimes my English sounds a bit "rude", sorry for that.

OneAndOnlyMetalGear said:
Oh, Sorry when it sounded like that. ^^

Only because I experimented here a bit doesnt mean Im not taking your critic serious, I actually wanted to see how past tense works in fanfictions and how I could use it properly.
So you say it doesnt really work? Ok, maybe i have to change the style or maybe make it less "compact".
Im definetly going to check my already written pages for past tense.

I just wanted to say that this isnt the style im going to write my Story through and that it is very compact to pack information in the least amount of words.
Im not native English and sometimes my English sounds a bit "rude", sorry for that.

Sorry for the lack of activity on here (and in general). Work has been nuts lately and I just got back from Germany. I've begun to work on the requests I have lined up but haven't gotten very far. If you REALLY need something sexy to stare at you can check out my Pornhub where I usually upload some animated 3D stuff. http://www.pornhub.com/users/roguelizard

RogueLizard said:
Sorry for the lack of activity on here (and in general). Work has been nuts lately and I just got back from Germany. I've begun to work on the requests I have lined up but haven't gotten very far. If you REALLY need something sexy to stare at you can check out my Pornhub where I usually upload some animated 3D stuff. http://www.pornhub.com/users/roguelizard

Nah, Im fine. I have a hard time myself writing my fanfiction. Take your Time. I can wait. Im just happy that someone is actually doing it. xD

OneAndOnlyMetalGear said:
Nah, Im fine. I have a hard time myself writing my fanfiction. Take your Time. I can wait. Im just happy that someone is actually doing it. xD

Just got home from the office, my boss has been happy with how hard I've been working and I have the night off. WOOOOO! Hmmmm...requests, or Skyrim? Requests....or Fallout 4? Requests....I think I'll finish TheHuskyK9's request.

RogueLizard said:
Just got home from the office, my boss has been happy with how hard I've been working and I have the night off. WOOOOO! Hmmmm...requests, or Skyrim? Requests....or Fallout 4? Requests....I think I'll finish TheHuskyK9's request.

I started myself a new project:
A Community Vote Fanfiction. Actually I have to write the first page within the next couple of days.
Good tomorrow is a puplic holiday, so I have the day off...