bunny... bulge......

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The days after that felt softer, more ripe. It helped that we were reaching the dog days of summer and the tourists weren’t zipping around on their speedboats anymore, instead choosing to laze around on their rental cabin’s back porches while they baked in the sun. Once I got home from the diner, there were hours and hours of sunlight left to enjoy in my backyard, and I often spent those in the company of Bobby.

It was sort of accidental. We developed a good rapport over dinner and were the only two people in tens of miles, so of course we’d become even friendlier. Often I’d be swimming in the lake and Bobby would beckon me over, so I’d swim the quarter mile over. He’d show me a big fish he caught or ask me how my day was and we’d chit chat in the summer sun.

I loved those days. It helped that Bobby had no problem standing in the water in a pair of old briefs and a ratty fishing tee-shirt. I’d spend my days floating in the water in my Speedo, gazing up at him while he showed me how he caught a fish about this long. Meanwhile his shirt would lift up a little and I’d see a little bit of his belly poking out from underneath. He showed no signs of being attracted to me, of being gay beyond all the imaginary things I would make up, nothing. Still, he’d invite me over every day to lounge around with him and that was enough to let my mind go to wonderful places.

We never went inside his house. Maybe he’d send me in to go grab some more bait or some ice pops from the freezer, but the weather was so nice that we spent day after day in the water. Some days we’d talk about life, about buddies from his college days and road trips about the country, and some days we’d just enjoy each other’s presence in the cool water.

One day at the tail end of August, we were hanging out the same as any other day. I was about 40 meters in when it started raining, then all of a sudden started thundering.

“Aras!” he called out. “C’mon, buddy.”

I swam in and emerged from the lake quickly, all of the lake water dripping from my body and being replaced with rainwater. “It’s really nice out there.”

“I’d swim in with you if it wasn’t thundering.”

“Don’t want some fried catfish?”

He laughed. “You wanna come inside?”

“Is that okay?”

“I don’t want you to have to swim all the way back. Come on in!”

Normally, I would just bake in the sun until I was dry, but that day I stood under his porch while he found a towel for me. I wiped off and stepped inside with the towel around my waist. Bobby was at the window, in a new pair of ratty old briefs and a tee-shirt.

“It’s really thundering out there.”

“Shake off some of that humidity.”

He smiled at me. “Feel free to make yourself at home, kid.”

“Thank you.”

I felt a little weird about being in his house in just my Speedo, but he didn’t make anything of it. When we’re outside, it makes total sense, but I felt a little naked there. Regardless, I took a spot on his couch and folded in my legs. He grabbed a radio from the corner and placed it on the table in front of us. “No TV but, uh, I have this.”

He sat down next to me. His couch was soft enough that he sunk in and I was pushed towards him. Our thighs touched a little but he didn’t seem to mind. Bobby was more preoccupied with moving the dial of the radio through sports broadcasts and conservative news stations until he found something good.

“Oh wow,” I said when he landed on a college radio station playing girlie indie rock. I couldn’t help but smile. “I haven’t heard music like this in so long.”

“Really? Not at all?”

“I don’t have a phone, remember.”

“Right, right. You miss it?”

“It’s nice. The diner plays old jazz which is nice but… modern music.”

“Listen to it!”

We took a second just to listen, synth and drums and guitar I hadn’t felt in myself in months. I started shivering a little – I was just in a half-wet Speedo in his cool house with the sky thundering outside.

“It’s that good?”

I smiled. “I’m a little cold.”

“I’m sorry, buddy. I can, uh, get some fire going? Get you one of my old shirts if you want?”

The idea of wearing one of his old shirts did sound very appealing, even if he was a couple of sizes larger than me. I shook my head. “Can you get the blanket?”

“Sure, kid.” I loved watching his butt in briefs as he walked away. “Holler if you need anything, you know!”

He was gone a little longer than I expected. I looked out the window at the thunder outside and let out a little sigh. This was my dream life. Sitting on his couch in my Speedo, nothing to do but listen to the radio.

A little bit later he came back holding a gray blanket. He laid it over me with a grin. “I was looking for something else but couldn’t find anything, so if it smells like me,” he laughed. “It’s from my bed.”

I gave it a big whiff. It did smell like him. Woodsy and warm. “Thank you.”

He sat down next to me again. “Mind if I take a little blanket?”

“Sure.”

He brought a little bit of the blanket over him and my mind goes blank. We’re under the same blanket. I can feel his warmth inches away from me.

“You still cold?”

I wasn’t at all but I still nodded.

“We can cuddle a little?”

I must have had the stupidest expression on my face when he said that. “What…?” is all I managed to get out.

“I’m a big warm bunny,” he smiled. “I have your back, kid.”

“Is that okay?”

“Sure. Here, come cuddle in.”

He raised his arm. There is nothing in this world more inviting than your big bunny friend offering a place to tuck into, so of course I had to do it. I laid my head on his shoulder and let him put his arm around me. He tucked it onto my bare chest. He repositioned the blanket around us and suddenly we were cuddling.

“That okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Thankfully my erection was squeezed tight between my thighs. We sat there for an hour maybe, cuddling, listening to the music, and watching the rain outside. The entire time my head was swirling and he didn’t seem to mind at all.

It was gay what we were doing. Ridiculously gay. Two men don’t cuddle without it being at least a little gay. At the same time, he always felt a little bit like a father to me. Not my dad specifically, but like a mentor figure. He was the guy teaching me life in the woods, how to fish and how to enjoy living off the land. I recalled what he said over and over again – “I have your back, kid.” Maybe it wasn’t gay, maybe he was just keeping me safe and happy. I had no way of knowing.

Eventually, I had to pipe up. “Bobby?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?”

I paused. “Um. Are you, like… gay… at all?”

He looked at me but didn’t move from his position. “No. Did you think I was?”

“I didn’t really know.”

“Oh. Well. I know you’re gay.”

“I am.”

“I’m sorry, is that an issue?”

“I just wanted to know if there was any other reason you were cuddling me.”

“Oh.” He laughed. “You were cold!”

“So it’s not like… it’s not sexual at all?”

“No. Nothing wrong with that, but I’m not.”

I tried to think through that in my head but couldn’t. I was so attracted to him and so enamored by him and loved his touch so much that I believed he was attracted to me back. It was purely utilitarian. Just to keep me warm in the woods.

“Hey, kid. It’s okay! I’m your friend, okay? If you need to keep warm, I’ll help you keep warm. If you need to cuddle, need someone to talk to… I know it gets lonely out here in the woods, so I’m perfectly happy to be here for whatever you need.”

Whatever you need. That only confused me more. There’s an implication I so badly wanted to draw out of that, that almost made sense. Maybe he’d have sex with me if I needed it. It was almost there but not quite.

I decided to fall back on what I knew. “I like cuddling with you.”

“Yeah? Me too. You’re nice and warm now.”

“Can we keep cuddling?”

He put his other arm around me, folding his paws together around my waist. “Like that?”

“Like that.”

“Remember,” he said. “Holler if you need anything. I’m here for you, Aras.”