@G0wther: Never really get that effect out of anything, but that might have something to do with the fact I just simply feel nothing.

Nihilism is what keeps me sane, I guess...

@KynikossDragonn: Numbness CAN be better than feeling even happiness and bliss, to this I personally agree. However, I actually used to take meds that made me numb, and I felt at the time that it just wasn't for me.

Even though now I would give what little I have to feel nothing but void again... Anything to get rid of the pain.

On the point of nihilism though, I have always felt that nothing matters and that both life and death are pointless, regardless of emotional numbness, happiness or desparity. No matter what state I have been in at any time that core believe has always remained with me, and I continue to believe it 100%.

@KynikossDragonn: .... To clarify, I still WANT happiness though. I want a happy life more than anything. (Not that I will ever get it mind you. I have accepted that fate.) But either way, I agree that it really doesn't matter at all. Nothing in life or death does.