Anyone have a good website or technique of how to suck my own cock? (the images on here are starting to make me jealous) (without any help by someone or equipment or surgery)

OrcaMan1 said:
Anyone have a good website or technique of how to suck my own cock? (the images on here are starting to make me jealous) (without any help by someone or equipment)

Remove your ribcage. Pretty sure there are no negative side effects.

OrcaMan1 said:
Anyone have a good website or technique of how to suck my own cock? (the images on here are starting to make me jealous) (without any help by someone or equipment or surgery)

http://www.vice.com/en_se/read/how-to-suck-your-own-dick

Why are you asking here instead of asking the Internet?

The_Great_Wolfgang said:
Why are you asking here instead of asking the Internet?

No, Wolfgang. You are the Internet!

Step 1: Find a box you can fit yourself into relatively tightly.
Step 2: Every night, sleep in that box.
Step 3: Replace box with a slightly smaller box.
Step 4: Repeat steps 2-3 until your head is at crotch level.
Step 5: (Optional step) Enjoy your newly bent spine.

The solution nobody has suggested yet is to somehow make your penis longer (a lot longer).

1. Cut off your penis.
2. Put it in your mouth.
3. Done.

Peekaboo said:
1. Cut off your penis.
2. Put it in your mouth.
3. Done.

Optional but recommended:
1.5) Preserve penis with taxidermy

Munkelzahn said:
The solution nobody has suggested yet is to somehow make your penis longer (a lot longer).

I gained 32 inches in five nanoseconds. Click for seventeen easy steps!

Why dont you just get someone else to do it? Thousand times easier that way.

Make a mold to create a dildo of your junk

- invent portal technology
- clone yourself
- make your neck longer http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neck_ring
- make your tongue longer
- grow a supernumerary penis within reach of your mouth

ippiki_ookami said:
Why dont you just get someone else to do it? Thousand times easier that way.

I agree

OrcaMan1 said:
Anyone have a good website or technique of how to suck my own cock? (the images on here are starting to make me jealous) (without any help by someone or equipment or surgery)

Okay, semi-serious reply for a change.
Everyone can learn it (unless overweight), and there's plenty of guides on the net.

Finnish yogi, Ior Bock (http://static.twoday.net/libidopter/images/Ior-Bock.jpg), used to practice autofellatio as a part of his daily routine; and he said that back in his youth, all young yoga students were taught to do it.

This is what he recommended: start practicing it by sitting cross-legged. Over time, that will increase your flexibility enough that you'll be able to do it from the sitting position.

ippiki_ookami said:
Why dont you just get someone else to do it? Thousand times easier that way.

TheHuskyK9 said:
I agree

You made the brazen assumption that all of us can get laid

Durandal said:

ippiki_ookami said:
Why dont you just get someone else to do it? Thousand times easier that way.

TheHuskyK9 said:
I agree

You made the brazen assumption that all of us can get laid

and that hurts ._.

Not all of us have that charm...

Fat guys, can't get a date, can't suck themselves off either.
If ever you needed a reason to lose weight...

Durandal said:
You made the brazen assumption that all of us can get laid

There's a woman or man for all of us out in the world somewhere. You are able to make the decision to either find that person or not.

Xch3l said:
and that hurts ._.

Not all of us have that charm...

You don't need charm. My friend just got married yesterday to his husband and he's really bad at socializing with randoms. The other dude approached him while he was at a gaming convention and it progressed after that :I

TheHuskyK9 said:
There's a woman or man for all of us out in the world somewhere. You are able to make the decision to either find that person or not.

I have yet to find somebody that's interesting enough. They either smoke (can't stand cigar smoke, gives me headaches) or they're not attractive... :/

Xch3l said:
I have yet to find somebody that's interesting enough. They either smoke (can't stand cigar smoke, gives me headaches) or they're not attractive... :/

there's also the thing where I'm a coward and/or not very interesting ...

Don't actively search for a life partner. Just try to make friends first. Relationships may bloom from them.

Ko-san said:
Don't actively search for a life partner. Just try to make friends first. Relationships may bloom from them.

^ This. Also sometimes, they might come to you instead of you going to them :V

Ko-san said:
Don't actively search for a life partner. Just try to make friends first. Relationships may bloom from them.

And if all else fails, just remember. They can't say NO when their dead!

Ko-san said:
Don't actively search for a life partner. Just try to make friends first. Relationships may bloom from them.

TheHuskyK9 said:
^ This. Also sometimes, they might come to you instead of you going to them :V

Yeah, I know that (otherwise I'd be looked as a creep, which is funny because the video was unrelated at that moment)... Well, in my case at least, there's another small thing where I'm a bit picky too...

RustyNails said:
And if all else fails, just remember. They can't say NO when their dead!

But they can't say 'yes' either! I need an answer! D:

Xch3l said:
Yeah, I know that (otherwise I'd be looked as a creep, which is funny because the video was unrelated at that moment)... Well, in my case at least, there's another small thing where I'm a bit picky too...

I don't know what to tell you if you're going to be so defeatist.

I love how this has been a 10 hour discussion on how to suck your own dick.

Can we make this a sticky? (No pun intended)

ZigguratVertigo said:
I don't know what to tell you if you're going to be so defeatist.

"Defeatist"?

Cutedementia said:
I love how this has been a 10 hour discussion on how to suck your own dick.

Can we make this a sticky? (No pun intended)

Yeah, I noticed that too. It also derailed after Genjar's answer. And to not derail even more: doing abs can also help in flexibility.

Well I haven't done it myself. But everyone who has done it has one thing in common: flexibility and patience. So if you want to do it, you'll have to build up flexibility (that takes time and persistance, so that's where the patience comes in. There's no way to do this immediately). There's a lot of ways to build your flexibility so you can easily google it to find different exercises and then pick a few to start with. Be smart about it, don't try to go too fast and injure something. But the more flexible you get, the more likely you'll be able to self-suck. Also, if you have a lot of belly fat, you might need to lose that first. But if you really want to learn to self-suck, then training your body to become flexible in bending that way is what will make it possible.

------------------------

Xch3l said:
"Defeatist"?

He means "self-defeating". You have to be willing to believe there's even a slightest chance you could actually do it, or else all the methods in the world won't work. Because there's always a reason not to try it. And in life, sometimes you have to be crazy enough to ignore those reasons now and then, in order to get any changes. But if your mindset (the voice in the back of your head that tells you whether to try something) is self-defeating, then none of the advice in the world will help. It (the solution) only provides a direction that someone can make it work, but it doesn't make it work all on its own. And if you let the potential problems stop you from ever starting...well, then you can see how nothing will ever happen or change by doing that. So "self-defeatist" = stopping or defeating your own motivations before they ever get the chance to start. If you don't put anything in, then you can't get anything out. It's like trying to use a program without allowing it to execute or even load. Nothing happens.

Cutedementia said:
I love how this has been a 10 hour discussion on how to suck your own dick.

Can we make this a sticky? (No pun intended)

This thread amuses me, I saw we go for it.

1. Become master yogi
2. Self f/suck
3. Cry alone
4. Book deal
5. Profit!

I can sorta get the head in my mouth, can really only do it in the bathtub though, cuz like sliding and stuff I guess. I'm pretty flexible though.
You gotta be hard first though.

Also get a portal gun, shoot two portals in a vertical line, the rest is easy.

Moon_Moon said:
I can sorta get the head in my mouth, can really only do it in the bathtub though, cuz like sliding and stuff I guess. I'm pretty flexible though.
You gotta be hard first though.

Unless you're more flexible, in which case you can reach even more even if it ain't hard

Also get a portal gun, shoot two portals in a vertical line, the rest is easy.

You mean like this? post #136516

Practice every day. Enjoy your back pain in your mid-20's

Munkelzahn said:
- invent portal technology

Get the Portal Gun!!

TheHuskyK9 said:
There's a woman or man for all of us out in the world somewhere. You are able to make the decision to either find that person or not.

If that's true, then I'm probably doing them a favor.

Anyway, you guys are all forgetting the easiest method to self-suck; upvote your own posts and comments.

Durandal said:
If that's true, then I'm probably doing them a favor.

Anyway, you guys are all forgetting the easiest method to self-suck; upvote your own posts and comments.

You forgot favorite your own uploads.

Qmannn said:
I doubt it. I can't see myself being happy with another person around. I'd rather happily remain alone until I die.

Hence why I said

TheHuskyK9 said:
There's a woman or man for all of us out in the world somewhere. You are able to make the decision to either find that person or not.

Back to the original post for a moment...
Stretching, practice, patience, and being a skinny little bastard all help.
I self sucked for a while before suddenly realizing that maybe masturbation was a thing I should try, and it was pretty cool. I did it two main ways-
1 -Hugging my knees to my chest then bending forward and squeezing my legs inward to sort of hold the back of my head and push it down
2 -Laying on my back and bending my legs and back upward until my knees came down on either side of my head, then grabbing my lower back to push my hips toward my face.
Go slow and don't hurt yourself now, hear?
Nothing wrong with gunning for a blow job either, but self sucking is different. It's... definitely an experience.

Stretch your penis, every time ou go to the bathroom, just tug on it a little bit.

RustyNails said:
Stretch your penis, every time ou go to the bathroom, just tug on it a little bit.

Has that actually worked for you? I heard that was a way to make it bigger, but I haven't met anyone who's actually pulled it off (no pun intended).

Phantom_Janitor said:
Has that actually worked for you? I heard that was a way to make it bigger, but I haven't met anyone who's actually pulled it off (no pun intended).

*snrk*

Portals are the solution post #88683.
I might suggest to practice until you get the flexibility to do it.

RustyNails said:
Stretch your penis, every time ou go to the bathroom, just tug on it a little bit.

Phantom_Janitor said:
Has that actually worked for you?

Theoretically, with enough time and effort it can make a (tiny) difference in length. However, the much more rapid effect is damaged tissue that doesn't hold on to the blood as well. (Translation: Trouble getting/maintaining erection.)

So, I'd personally recommend against that approach. Actually...I'd recommend against most every method (factual or mythological) for extending penis size, as they all have big potential downsides.

On topic of post, as others have said:
~ Regular stretching, practice, and patience
~ Losing your gut if you have one
~ A pose that does part of the work for you
~ Taking a warm bath and stretching beforehand

Some people it's easy, some people have to work for it, and some people never get there. Good luck.

Nyteshade said:
Theoretically, with enough time and effort it can make a (tiny) difference in length. However, the much more rapid effect is damaged tissue that doesn't hold on to the blood as well. (Translation: Trouble getting/maintaining erection.)

So, I'd personally recommend against that approach. Actually...I'd recommend against most every method (factual or mythological) for extending penis size, as they all have big potential downsides.

On topic of post, as others have said:
~ Regular stretching, practice, and patience
~ Losing your gut if you have one
~ A pose that does part of the work for you
~ Taking a warm bath and stretching beforehand

Some people it's easy, some people have to work for it, and some people never get there. Good luck.

The only real method of increasing your penis size is surgery.
And that's not a good option either, all surgeries carry risk, and it doesn't always work.

Fat guys can also gain an inch or two just by losing weight, but that's not actually gaining inches, it's just uncovering the inch or two that's covered by the fat.

Halite said:
The only real method of increasing your penis size is surgery.
And that's not a good option either, all surgeries carry risk, and it doesn't always work.

Fat guys can also gain an inch or two just by losing weight, but that's not actually gaining inches, it's just uncovering the inch or two that's covered by the fat.

I decided to change my racial identity from white to black to fit in better in High School and that helped me gain a few inches. Thinking testosterony thoughts is also something to try.

Phantom_Janitor said:
I decided to change my racial identity from white to black to fit in better in High School and that helped me gain a few inches.

Wut

Durandal said:
Wut

Anyone know what you call the inverse of an Oreo?

Usually just an inside out Oreo because humans are not very creative. That's not what I am though, I changed my racial identity, not my cultural identity. I still act the same... I just got more athletic, my dick grew, and suburban moms pass me on the other side of the street.
Also, I can say the word "nigga" in public without the risk of getting jumped.

Durandal said:
Wut

Anyone know what you call the inverse of an Oreo?

I think hope they're joking. But it's humanity: you just never know.

furrypickle said:
I think hope they're joking. But it's humanity: you just never know.

Everything I said is technically true, but most of that is probably attributable to puberty and the fact that I wear camo and don't smile at strangers.
Moment of truth: I'm a white nerd who went to a 99% black school and apparently my mannerism changed. My friends call me a "white oreo" sometimes (White on the inside, black on the outside, but with another layer of white over that). Don't know why it's true but it is.
If you can wrap your mind around that I salute you. I hope this insight has been helpful.

Phantom_Janitor said:
Everything I said is technically true, but most of that is probably attributable to puberty and the fact that I wear camo and don't smile at strangers.
Moment of truth: I'm a white nerd who went to a 99% black school and apparently my mannerism changed. My friends call me a "white oreo" sometimes (White on the inside, black on the outside, but with another layer of white over that). Don't know why it's true but it is.
If you can wrap your mind around that I salute you. I hope this insight has been helpful.

That's oddly fascinating. And it makes me think that there's probably an anthropologist somewhere who'd love to study you (or at least that phenomenon).

Phantom_Janitor said:
Everything I said is technically true, but most of that is probably attributable to puberty and the fact that I wear camo and don't smile at strangers.
Moment of truth: I'm a white nerd who went to a 99% black school and apparently my mannerism changed. My friends call me a "white oreo" sometimes (White on the inside, black on the outside, but with another layer of white over that). Don't know why it's true but it is.
If you can wrap your mind around that I salute you. I hope this insight has been helpful.

I went to a school that's about 6% white. Yet blacks, Latinos, and Asians were still referred to as minorities. Sometimes I even feel out-of-place when I travel cross-country. In the back of my mind I expect around three-quarters of people I see to be minorities. Hard for me to believe that around half of Americans are white.

Durandal said:
I went to a school that's about 6% white. Yet blacks, Latinos, and Asians were still referred to as minorities. Sometimes I even feel out-of-place when I travel cross-country. In the back of my mind I expect around three-quarters of people I see to be minorities. Hard for me to believe that around half of Americans are white.

Not much longer.
The "minorities" are fucking the white out of America.
Literally, the majority in the next 20 years or so is expected to be "mixed race".

Something I personally find to be a wonderful thing.

Halite said:
Not much longer.
The "minorities" are fucking the white out of America.
Literally, the majority in the next 20 years or so is expected to be "mixed race".

Something I personally find to be a wonderful thing.

Amen to that. I also heard somewhere that mixed people tend to be healthier. If that's true, that's great news.

Durandal said:
Sometimes I even feel out-of-place when I travel cross-country.

I definitely know that feeling.

Phantom_Janitor said:
Amen to that. I also heard somewhere that mixed people tend to be healthier. If that's true, that's great news.
...

Absolutely, genetic diversity makes a stronger species.
Less chance of genetic disorders.

Halite said:
Not much longer.
The "minorities" are fucking the white out of America.
Literally, the majority in the next 20 years or so is expected to be "mixed race".

Something I personally find to be a wonderful thing.

I don't think it should be considered good or bad. Just a "Thing."

I look at races like the Rapa Nui and the pure-blooded Mayans, which might not be around much longer, and I don't see why them being "Fucked out of existence" could be considered ideal.

Durandal said:
I don't think it should be considered good or bad. Just a "Thing."

I look at races like the Rapa Nui and the pure-blooded Mayans, which might not be around much longer, and I don't see why them being "Fucked out of existence" could be considered ideal.

The only true end to racism will be when we're all so mixed that there's no more clear lines.

As for disappearing blood lines, as long as their ancestors remember their history, no matter how diluted the blood gets, they will still exist.

Halite said:
The only true end to racism will be when we're all so mixed that there's no more clear lines.

As for disappearing blood lines, as long as their ancestors remember their history, no matter how diluted the blood gets, they will still exist.

Well, we've made some pretty good progress in the racial relations department without assimilating everyone into a single, undefined race these past few decades, so I wouldn't be so sure… I mean, going by that logic, sexism will exist as long as separate sexes do (though I guess one could argue that this is true).

People would still find an abundance of reasons to hate each other even if we were all the same race.

Durandal said:
Well, we've made some pretty good progress in the racial relations department without assimilating everyone into a single, undefined race these past few decades, so I wouldn't be so sure… I mean, going by that logic, sexism will exist as long as separate sexes do (though I guess one could argue that this is true).

People would still find an abundance of reasons to hate each other even if we were all the same race.

War on Drugs
Tea Party
Repealed Voting Rights Act
Ferguson

And all of that isn't even individuals being racist.

Durandal said:
I don't think it should be considered good or bad. Just a "Thing."

I just think it's wonderful that people are sleeping with who they want to without race even being a factor. I certainly don't think anything bad can come of people being with who they want to be with.