Yes, after 3 years of using the same old broken shit, prepared to be dazzled an amazed with ALL NEW broken shit - thanks to your friendly e621 admins who ask nothing more from you than your undying loyalty, pity donations, and several litres of your blood to fuel our genesis device.
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"BUT MELLIS" you demand, "I HAVE HEARD YOUR SALTY PACK OF LIES BEFORE, TRUTH AT ME FIERCELY WHAT IS THE DOWNSIDE"
The downside is, you'll still have to wait a bit while we continue testing and Koekje and Arcturus continue their coding from our hellish labyrinthine computer-pits. Current ETA is something like a month to six weeks from now, assuming nothing horrific breaks everything. Which it will.
"FUCK YOU MELLIS" you burst from your lip-sacks, "I AM AS IMPATIENT AS I AM POOR AND IRISH, REVEAL TO ME SECRETS SO I MAY FEEL AS IF I AM, AS THE URBAN YOUTHS SAY, JIGGY WITH IT"
Ok.
Here's some stuff (definitely not all of it) to look forward to in our new, improved site that will neither amuse, NOR impress, but you are getting it anyways:
--FASTER, MORE EFFICIENT BACK END--
No, you goddamn perverts, not like that. With the back-end no longer coded in the ancient tongues of the elder gods, it runs more smoothly and requires less processing power and (theoretically) bandwidth. What does this mean to us? Less load on the servers. What does this mean to YOU? The world's finest collection of furry necrophiliac scat vore porn can now be BLASTED INTO YOUR EYE-HOLES PICOSECONDS FASTER THAN EVER BEFORE. It's ok, your dirty secret is safe with us.
--FANCY SCHMANCY NEW LAYOUT--
Just because you're looking at hellish smut that's probably illegal in your home country or planet, doesn't mean you don't have to do it in style. You've already seen the new colours, which, unsuprisingly are much like the old ones. What can we say, we like blue. BUT COLOURS ARE NOT ALL. There's a bunch of new cosmetic touches to the layout. It's schweppervescent. It's like browsing for porn at the bottom of the sea, while greco-roman wrestling the pope inside of a volcano. I estimate the time it takes for someone to whine about how shitty it is and how much they like the old one better to be close to zero. YOU COULD WIN THIS LUCKY HONOUR - ACT TODAY.
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--THIS AD WILL NOT APPEAR IN THE BANNER AD ROTATION--
Probably.
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--FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHUT UP ABOUT THE MASCOTS--
Yes they'll be featured. All five winners. They're incorporated into the new design. You will not be able to avoid them, and they will haunt your dreams well beyond the grave. So get ready to remind us why not choosing the one you liked best makes us worse than hitler, as you gaze upon the cheery faces of the ones that did win, as they judge you for eternity.
--FORUMS AND WIKI TRACKING--
Thanks to some improvements in the respective wiki and forums software, Users will now be able to call up a list of the wiki pages created by various users, as well as see their post history in the forums. Stalk your friends on the forums to find obscure shit they said once two years ago that you need to start drama over, or find out just how big of a wiki-sperg lord they really are. The options are limitless in this extremely limited, useless thing!
--A THING WE WILL SURELY REGRET--
Now when an alias is added, a forum post about it will be automatically generated, where you can tell us how retarded we are and have an 80-page discussion about how if you had your way, there'd be no less than 60 different gender tags, and why having three different tags for penis just isn't enough.
--A SUPER SECRET SPECIAL SUPRISE--
There's one more big suprise, but I'm not going to say what it is, except that it's a CRAZY user-submitted suggestion you WOULD NEVER EXPECT. Except that you might, now that we've said you won't. But would we make it something obvious? Does that really sound like us? Truly a Schrodeinger's box of possibility! What could it be? WHO KNOWS?! BEGIN BASELESS CONJECTURE AND GUESSWORK IMMEDIATELY.
Updated by user 7
