I look into my character Ralph's eyes here, and I see a sense of cheer and joviality and mischievous humour that I feel has been completely emptied out of my life, especially in the context of this picture now that I've been banned on FA, sofurry, pretty much disowned by the furry fandom. I threatened to rape and kill people. I don't want forgiveness anymore, it's pointless. I'm a fucking sociopath and I'm probably gonna die in prison once I lose my shit.

6th mass extinction. Humanity's killed itself. Mother Medea's eating her own children, this time for good.

He never got a chance to truly show not just how he's shined, but the pain he was supposed to overcome, before it overwhelmed my life... my own pain overwhelmed me. And he became a pincushion to insert my inner beast into. I feel like I eradicated the hero he wanted to be and turned him into the villain of his own story, just as I became the villain of my own. I hate it. He hated it.

I look at this photo, I have Final Fantasy X's To Zanarkand theme running through me head, and I see the corpse of a man who was once a loving father, a brave soldier, and a survivor of horrific life traumas and an abbhorent childhood filled with violence, bullying, loneliness, mom getting committed to Ponoka Institution when he was 5, seeing his stepdad rape his sister... he nearly made it out of the horrors of his life, but the 20th century was not kind to him. A survivor of the residential school system, of Castle Mountain concentration camp because he's part Ukrainian. Love almost tamed him, but he couldn't tame himself.

He lost his loved ones. His spouses, intimate others, his children, his parents, his siblings.

Life became a lost cause. The existence of life itself turned into an abomination begging to be destroyed.

His story is simply one that cannot be told, because I destroyed him, just like I destroyed myself.

Ralph appeared to me in a dream to tell me, it's not too late to fix my life. There will be many trials ahead but he'll be by my side whether I fail or succeed, and will always be encouraging me to at least try.

He's a rambunctious drunk of a guardian angel but he's still mine. He's still the anti-hero I wanted to be.