Let's just get this out of the way so nobody else has to

fortheplot said:
Let's just get this out of the way so nobody else has to

original

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokemon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds. This means they’re large enough for to be able to handle human dicks, and their impressive base stats for hp and access to acid armor, you can be rough with this one. Due to their mostly water biology, there’s no doubt that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet you could have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn moves the moves attract, baby-doll eyes, captivate, charm, and tail whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities water absorb and hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other pokémon can come close to this level of compatibility.

response

Well well well. It appears u/thepearofdoom is a fellow vappy fucc connoisseur. However screw the female version. You get those same ol two holes in literally everything else. the MALE vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery diccs they have full mobility control with like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach, get each other aroused, and have the fucc of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone with that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you. Its ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a vappy dicc was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dicc. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger, and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve. Giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though. Due to having a thicc, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dicc point backwards (takes some training) YOU CAN BE FUCKED, WHILE ALSO FUCKING YOUR VAPPY AT THE SAME TIME!!! ME-OWTH, THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT!!! BUT! BUT! BUT! THERE'S STILL FUCKING MORE!!!!!! Like, holy shit male vaps are the GODS of fucc. While you're fuccing your male vappy, possibly while also being fucced by him, their booty is ON their tail, at the base, which is the thiccest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are, meaning, while your dicc is in there, IT'S BEING FUCKING MASSAGED BETTER THAN EVEN A VAG COULD ACHIEVE!!! AGH! It should be fucking ILLEGAL how amazing male vaps are for fucc! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fuccer like me. That's right. THERE'S. EVEN. FUCKING. MORRRRRRE!!! Say you like to be a little restrained, You don't need a sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic, or leafeon's vines. vappies got that shit covered too! DID YOU EVEN SEE THAT TAIL?!? It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a vappy. it's basically their main part about them. But if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible irl? Such as, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. IT JUST BECAME POSSIBLE! They can be solid as they pass your lips (passed where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type, but who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption, eventually they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure QnQ they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body. Making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fucc the respect it deserves. Umbreons may bwee my favorite, but, damn. vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.

(I wonder if this will become a copy pasta, or if Nintendo will give me a cease order for bringing all this amazingness to light. Either way I'll know I've done a great service to the world. GO MALE VAPPIES!!!)

I'm not even sure what to say to that. Though it's nice to know some people have control on the scientific side of things. :3