With Riv in front of me and Daniel behind me I was warm and comfortable, though still there hung an awkward tension between my friend and I. Unusually he had lain slightly farther from me than he normally would, I guess still conflicted about the goings-on from today. It hurt to see him this way, especially with how close we'd grown and how kind and understanding he'd been toward something like me, which was in itself no small feat. The lack of that arm I was so used to getting draped over me was more painful than my cuts and bruises.

Lifting my arm from over the top of my sleeping child I reached back behind me, knowing that he was likely still awake. After some probing I eventually found his hand, wrapping my small one around it and rubbing my thumb over the back of his fingers like he'd often to do me. Behind me came a sigh, an odd one of tension, and he started to pull his hand away from mine.

The more he pulled, the harder I clung.

The more he pulled, the more it hurt me.

The harder I clung, the more it hurt him.

I didn't know what to do. My eyes were getting weepy but I didn't want to make a scene with my little boy in the room. I don't think Daniel did, either, for much of the same reason. Carefully I parted from Riv's back, covering up the new exposure with the warm comforter. Slowly I pulled back until I was snug against Daniel's front, again met with an irritated sigh. I reached again for his arm and pulled it around me, rubbing my face over the top. He seemed unsure how to proceed given how limp and unresponsive he was. As I did so I found those places where I'd dug my nails into him in my enraged panic, brushing back the fur with my fingers.

I rested the end of my snout against those cuts, now scabbed over, and slowly pulled my knees slightly inward just enough they wouldn't touch Riv in his slumber. Shortly after the wetness of my eyes would grace the fur on his big arm and he might understand that I was genuine with my gesture. He'd finally bring some life to his arm, gently squeezing my hand back after my failed attempts.

I couldn't take this anymore.

Quietly and carefully I pushed myself up from the bed with my small, sore arms, sitting upright on my knees before turning to him. He just continued to stare forward, but his ears were reclined and thus indicated that not only was he still chewing on this, but he was paying attention all the same. I moved toward him, trapping him between my arms as he lay there and finally making him look back up at me. His own eyes were sore and misty as I brought myself closer to hug on him with what all strength I still had. Finally he relented, bringing his arms around my small body and rubbing the side of his snout against my neck.

The very idea that he might have damaged what we had hurt him more than my father's obscenities, the rude remarks from the construction workers, or the disbelief from others about his career. Those things seemed to just bounce right off, but this seemed to wrap around his heart like a snare and it was just so...odd, so hard to watch.

An unfamiliar moisture met my neck, his shedding tears of his own. Slowly his whole body tensed around mine, clinging awkwardly to my gangling frame, and he took a deep breath. For a moment we stayed like this, anything I could do to reassure my friend that everything was still fine in ways words could not so easily communicate. I suppose I understood his fear -- the fear of losing the one closest to you was not unknown to me -- but it was still strange that I might be a cornerstone to something like this. I think that, at least to an extent, he felt the same way about himself given his lack of any deep friendships or relationships up until now. With most people they'd wonder what it was they were doing wrong, and to never see any kind of positive change, even after several years and likely several attempts?

That's hard. That's painful.

I felt truly blessed to have him here, to have gotten to know him as a person and not just a filled position. Daniel was such a kind, affectionate person, and deserved more than he got. He took to my child without discrimination, both of them attaching to one another with little issue. He put his money where his mouth was, always taking the time to show he meant something instead of just stopping at words-- after all, talk is cheap.

I gently pulled away from him as he looked back up at me, his eyes slowly coming out of that gloomy fog and returning to their usual gentle sparkle. I stood back upright on my knees and wiped the wet trails from under his eyes. Closing his eyes and gently smiling he finally spoke.

"...I'm sorry for bein' so moody, Reverend," he whispered. "I didn't mean to--"

I brought my finger to his lips and shook my head.

He just looked to me with mild confusion. I combed my fingers through his hair, then through the long fur along the edge of his cheek. Leaning forward I held his face in both hands and gently rubbed my snout on the top of his head, his ears slowly reclining in comfort. As I continued his arms wrapped carefully around my back, trying not to squeeze too hard against my soreness and wounds. With my snout by his ear I had a chance to speak.

"Everything between us is just fine, Daniel," I whispered back. "I'm sorry to have worried you. I know that with your history these things may be harder to believe, but you are a wonderful...just wonderful person and neither Riv nor I could be more fortunate to have you here. You want me to trust you, so please trust me, too."

Given the sniffle in response I think I finally cracked him.

"I want you here," I continued. "We both do. You have taken care of us so well, you have cared about us so much...let me do the same however I can. You're not just a filled seat, you're not just a role-- you're my best friend, my companion."

"What...about Esmé?" he quietly asked. "What about...what you are? What I am?"

"Esmé could never be replaced, and that's not what I'm doing," I answered. "The people in your life don't replace the others, and...what you say you want is...the same as what I want. I'm sure there are...reasons for it, but...what draws me to people isn't what they are, it's who they are. A body is just a feature of a person."

"...Are you sure?"

"I think she...wants me to be happy, however I can be, and trying to keep myself from such a thing is what's really hurting her."

He paused. I gently pressed the side of my face to his, the long fur tickling my sore snout.

"Please don't pull away from me anymore," I sniffed. "Don't run from me anymore. If you're hurting, please tell me, please talk to me. You give me, give us so much without a second thought. Please let me try to do the same."

Slowly sitting back upright his eyes were no longer foggy. Wet and confused, yes, but clear of the heaviness that had plagued them all night. That alone was enough to allow me a little sigh of relief as he reached his big hand up and placed his palm against my messy cheek fur. I placed my hand on his, happy for just about any kind of positive contact. His little smile brought forth one of my own, finally coming to an understanding in our grogginess.

I lay down next to my sleepy child once again, bringing my arm up and over the oblivious boy. Briefly he stirred before grabbing my arm and pulling it closer, next to his bear. I rested my snout against his messy umber hair as Daniel moved closer, restoring that soft warmth behind me I was so terrified to have possibly lost. His big arm came up and over both of us, and as though by magic I was finally tired enough to sleep, completely lulled once his soft snout returned to my crown.

---

I woke the next morning with a big yawn and a sore stretch of my arm. Riv was still sleeping soundly just in front of me, so I figured I'd wake him up with a nudge and rub of my nose between his ears. He giggled as he woke, following up with a big yawn and stretch of his own. I scratched on his cheek a few times before he decided to hop off the bed and stretch his legs. He was always so energetic in the morning and it never failed to make me smile, even with how tired I might be.

"Father, can I go to my room and get changed?" he asked as he walked to the door.

"Of course," I answered. "In fact, why don't you see about taking a shower? It's been a few days."

"Okay!" he said, running out of the room.

I laughed a little bit from the bed, though dreaded the thought of getting out of bed with my persisting soreness. With my ears raked back and a deep breath in my lungs I heaved myself up, my skinny arms pushing me back up and onto my knees. Looking behind me the bed was empty, Daniel's clothes missing from the top of the dresser. I guess he already got up to start his day.

Before I could slide off the bed there came a soft knock from the door left ajar. Shaking my head and looking back over toward it Daniel stood with a tray in his hands, already dressed and presentable. Atop the tray was a plate of food and a tall glass of milk. I tilted my head.

"What's that for?" I asked.

"Just thought this might be easier," he shrugged. "I'd like to keep ya resting in bed is all. This way you can do that while still eating as normal."

"You don't have to go that far," I chuckled. "I don't mind going up and down the stairs, it just doesn't feel the best to do lately. I'll be okay."

He walked in anyway, undeterred. I guess if he got this far it would only make sense to.

"I'm guessin' that was Riv I heard in the shower, then?" he asked, waiting for me to situate myself. "I only just heard the water come on when I got back up here."

"Mhm, he just got up only a few minutes ago," I said, taking a breath. "I'll need to make him some more worksheets, see what's on that outline. I really wish I could enroll him in an actual school, but I hope I'm doing enough this way."

He set the tray in front of me: Half a pear, a couple eggs, some seasoned toast, and some breakfast sausage. He took the glass of milk and set it on the bed's sidetable so it wouldn't fall over.

"I think he's doin' just fine," he assured, patting my head. "So far he's been capable of doin' the things I remember doin' in school at his age, so give yourself a little credit. You're doin' very well with what ya got to work with."

"...Do you mind helping me with those as the years go on?" I asked, cutting into some of the eggs. "You're a bit younger than me so you might better remember those things, and you're more academic than I am so he'll probably benefit from your input."

"Please, y'ain't even gotta ask," he laughed. "I'd love to help. I'd just need a look at the outline to see what all they expect at whichever grade."

"It doesn't...bother you at all to do these things, does it?" I asked between bites. "I'd understand if it did. You'd just need to tell me."

"Well...I'd kinda always wanted kids of my own, Reverend," he smiled and scratched his head. "Just, y'know, moving around a lot and most foster homes are pretty loathe to adopt to singles. Even if I found one I'd hate to drag a poor kid around with me whenever some town needs another punchline for their clinic."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Of course. It's...actually really nice getting this opportunity. I adore Riv, he's such a sweet kid, and I hope that...maybe you're alright with my helping raise him, like a...a parent? If you'd rather I--"

"I would love that."

He looked at me rather stunned, maybe not quite expecting the answer or enthusiasm and at a temporary loss for words.

"I think you'll be a great parent, Daniel, and I'm quite sure that's already what he thinks of you," I said through a bite of toast. "He was very excited for your moving here, don't think I didn't notice."

He just awkwardly chuckled, still trying to digest what I said just before.

"And it's...something you want, too?" he asked, though hesitantly.

"Very much so," I replied. "I think, honestly, that it's more than safe to say that we're a family."

His ears fell back and he rubbed his neck, his face creased with a big but cautious smile. I'd imagine that given his career and proclivities, and the desires and lack thereof he's kept for relationships, he probably never thought he'd end up in this situation. Such a thing is not so easy to swallow, especially should it all happen upon your lap all at once when least expected. I can't say these things were foreign to me, rather much of them were issues I'd faced in my earlier years.

I grabbed the small bottle of painkillers and shook one onto my hand, downing it with the glass of milk as I finished my pleasant breakfast.

"You are quite precious when you're bashful," I said with a sly grin as he picked up the tray.

Daniel briefly lost the tray's balance, but corrected himself before anything fell.

"And you say I'm not used to compliments, hm?" I snickered as he put the glass on the tray.

"I-I'll go deal with these," he said unusually highly, quickly shuffling back out of the room.

I laughed to myself as he left, picking up my work folder and clipboard. Clipping some of the spare papers to the board I set forth to work on making some more simple worksheets for Riv to work on this afternoon while waiting for the painkillers to start working. As I started writing down some math problems and short reading blurbs I started to realize just how long it'd been since we all came together.

It must have been at least six or seven months since Riv joined the household and at least four for Daniel. Time just seemed to all melt together after a while, few days were distinct from the rest. It wasn't a bad thing if the time we shared was enjoyed, so I felt, it was just funny to think about.

Hm, Riv had his birthday a short while ago and I'd had mine just this weekend.

A short time later both Riv and Daniel would be back in the bedroom with me to keep me company. Riv worked on the forms I finished while Daniel looked at the outline to see what could be made from here. I poked at the work in the folder to pass the time, never really liking sitting still for too long.

"Daniel, when is your birthday?" I asked. "We've had ours already, so I was curious."

"Not for a couple months," he replied, jotting down some notes on the outline. "You don't gotta do anything special for it, I'd just like your company."

"Any particular foods you like?" I asked. "I'm not the best cook, but I'd like it to be special."

"If you wanna go that route, and I certainly don't mind the offer, I'd like to cook something together if you'd be willin'," he answered, flipping over the page. "I like cooking, and I enjoyed when we both made lunch that day when Riv was still sick. If it wouldn't be too much to ask for, I'd like that a lot."

"I'd be happy to."

"Can I help, too?" Riv asked between math problems.

"Well that just goes without sayin'," Daniel said, combing his fingers through Riv's long hair. "That's really all I'd want. I'm a simple man."

"Very well, then," I said, smiling and putting down my pen. "I'll keep this in mind."

---