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A Greater Society - Chapter 45: Introspection by Ratte

Story

The next couple months flew by, an array of work and pleasant weekends spent outdoors as often as possible. Thankfully I managed to recover from the altercation without much issue. Morissey had kept his word about my payment following my father's unwanted entry, even adding an extra bit both for the work I did during my short vacation and just for the sake of it. He was a difficult man to read, but these gestures were certainly appreciated.

The matters between us and the staff seemed more or less stable, though the nightstaff in particular still regarded us with caution. The daystaff weren't much better, though Heather had slowly grown more receptive to us over time. I couldn't help but notice that she would only really talk to us or interact much with us at all when the other staff were not nearby. Perhaps there was some kind of social pressure or unspoken rule we weren't privy to, but I didn't want to pry. I was happy enough that any of them were willing to humor us to begin with, honestly.

By now it was warming up again outside and Riv was especially thrilled for the change in season. He never did like the cold too much, though I couldn't help but find it a little humorous his definition of "cold" considering just how awful and bitter it could get in Falun or Hagali. Though, surely my definition of "hot" would elicit a similar reaction from him or possibly Daniel all the same, given their origins. Regardless, with the change in temperature and the greening of the foliage the little boy was that much more eager for his outdoor romps, and we were more than happy to oblige.

By now we had also heard back from other homes in the subregion and had a few pure children aboard. I didn't see them too much, usually hanging around in the common areas or taken outside by the staff. A couple handoffs occurred in the meantime, both incoming and outgoing. Riv was not terribly thrilled with their presence but they didn't seem to mind him in return, though mostly chose to keep to themselves. Unlike Tobias and Zuri, these children were fairly quiet and independent, sticking to books, art, or crafts. I couldn't quite say I minded, and as bad as it sounds I could not quite get attached to them much in the same manner as with previous charges. They were nice children, but they just were not mine. At the barest minimum their occupation here meant a bit of a boost in my pay, which I would set aside for another few sets of clothes for my growing boy.

Even at his age his growing was hard to keep up with. I couldn't help but wonder about his heritage, how tall he might get in his adulthood. No doubt taller than me, especially at this rate, though that wouldn't be much of a bar to clear.

Sooner or later I asked Daniel if he wouldn't mind going into town to pick up some clothes for our growing boy. Breaking out his measuring tape he took Riv's measurements to best find clothes that fit, possibly some just big enough that he could still grow into over the following months. Combining some of our funds we also purchased for him another stuffed animal-- a soft plush cat this time. Between these and keeping his repertoire of books and simple art supplies stocked he seemed to want for little, though I always felt like I could do more.

As Daniel's birthday would fall on a weekday we opted to celebrate the following weekend instead to have more time for the occasion. I'd asked Kuri to invite Ulimi and those from the carpentry shop if they'd all be willing and they all seemed more than happy to come by. I wasn't sure if Daniel was aware of this, so I tried not to mention it around him.

***

I shallowly blinked awake, following up with a yawn big enough that it kinda hurt. With the other kids here and their seasonal illnesses and allergies it was both strange and pleasant to have work to do again. I didn't mind much, enjoying those times when I was needed and taking care of people. Though certainly not as much as Riv, the other kids took to me pretty well and it sure beat needing to fill order forms and other monotonous paperwork. I really have no idea how Reverend can stand doing that all day and I can only assume he has an ungodly amount of patience.

Today was supposed to be a big day for me, though getting older never really felt too great. Honestly, if it weren't for those I was sharing it with I'd dread it, hoping to sleep through and forget about it. It was...really nice to have a reason to look forward to birthdays again after so many of them lost in either loneliness, work, or both.

I looked down to the small man just under my snout and arm, still sleeping soundly. Beyond him was Riv, wrapped up in Reverend's arms. It was remarkable how much Reverend doted on that kid having seen so many biological parents who couldn't even be asked to do that for their own flesh and blood. It was plain as day, at least to me, that he loved that child of his more than anything, as though he really were his own. Having seen bits and pieces of the faraden schism it was heartwarming to find a pure down here so taken by a new type. Maybe there was still some good left in the world.

I hoped like hell I added to this place as much as they said I did. I hadn't a reason to doubt them and they seemed to genuinely like me and want my presence, but there's always that prevailing insecurity in the back of your head. Still, I tried to stave off as much of that as I could because I loved being here. This was the closest I'd had to a family of my own and I truly wanted for nothing more than exactly what I had here: A happy child I could raise and a companion of sorts who cared about me as much as I cared about them. Rigid definitions didn't matter, really; I liked what we had and wouldn't trade it for the moon. It was...really nice and relieving to somehow happen upon another person who felt the same way. Never thought I would, and I felt nothing short of blessed.

Taking to my usual habits I nudged and rubbed between Reverend's ears with my snout. I don't know why I still had this odd habit, but it was one he seemed to enjoy so I hadn't bothered correcting it. Sooner or later those short ears would recline and he'd sleepily smile and groan before fully waking. This morning, though, I'd stop before too long so I could squeeze in a shower and let them both continue their sleep.

Lifting myself up and off the bed I grabbed my set of clothes and headed to the bathroom. Having been so used to the cramped dorm bathrooms and tiny apartment showers the stalls in this building were a welcome change. Taking a stall and readying myself I turned on the hot water and slipped in, closing the opaque door to my side. I took a deep breath of the hot, wet air before grabbing the soap and running it through my hair and fur. Though I'd been here a little while now it was still curious to me how quickly everything moved. I couldn't help but wonder a bit if maybe everything moved too fast, though I'd figure should the other two have any complaints they'd surely voice them.

The last thing I wanted to be here was a discomfort; a strange, lonely, overly-affectionate pain just kept around for the seat I filled. It wasn't that they indicated such, but...you go how ever many years of the same thing and just sorta conveniently end up in your ideal place? It's weird, it's hard to get used to. My first birthday in so many to be finally spent with people I held dear? With a little boy who clung to my side and followed me around all day and with a small man with a big heart who both enjoyed and reciprocated my gestures?

I couldn't help but tear up a bit in the shower-- finally, at the age of thirty-one, I had a place in life.

With a deep breath I turned off the water and worked on drying myself with the towel. Once dressed I stepped out of the stall and over to the sink to comb my hair. While I never felt especially ugly, I had to admit these days I felt better about myself even with my awkward height and large size. Combing through my sideburns I remembered when Reverend complimented my appearance and couldn't help but feel a little warm. Not many had done that and I wasn't about to forget anytime soon.

It wasn't too long before the other two were up and getting ready to start the day, Riv grabbing a shower of his own right away. As I left the bathroom I turned the corner and nearly ran into Reverend, myself a bit more lost in thought today than usual. Oddly, instead of stopping he kept going and wrapped his arms around me, his head against my sternum in a big hug. Of course, being me, I couldn't help but to take the offer and hugged on him back, rubbing my damp snout in his hair.

"I hope you're looking forward to today," he quietly said.

"It's nice actually havin' a reason to," I laughed. "You're not the only one who's, uh, not terribly used to celebrating their birthday."

"Huh, really?" he replied, parting from me. "I'm actually a little surprised."

"Never had much of a reason to," I shrugged, walking back toward the bedroom door. "Not much point without people to spend it with."

Before I could get through the door I felt his hand grab mine, so I turned my head back to face him with a look of slight confusion.

"You do...like it here, right?" he asked. "You...like us, right?"

"Oh, Reverend," I chuckled, reaching and swinging my arm around his back. "I assure ya there's nowhere else I'd rather be, and nobody else I'd rather be with. Believe me, all of this has been...a very, very welcome change and I couldn't be happier."

His big eyes shone a hint of worry but still he gave me a little smile. While I could guess myself into the ground for exact reasons as to why, it was evident he wasn't used to his presence being desired. Even so, he'd come a long way in my short time being here and would go out of his way, in the ways he knew how, to show that he cared about my being here. It was adorable and warmed my aching heart, though it was still funny to me how it'd come from, well, him of all people. Not a complaint, mind, but maybe not what I'd expected ten years ago. After a bit of my own soulsearching and realizations for my wants and needs, I was...really only after exactly what I had here.

With a final rub of my snout against his bedhead I let him go off to take his own shower, dipping into the bedroom real quick to check the time. Still mid-morning.

I took my towel and clothes downstairs to toss into the washtub, figuring I'd get started on these. Filling the tub and taking a seat I set to scrub what I could before Reverend finished his shower, knowing full well he'd be less than thrilled to see me doing chores on a day like today. The couple pure kids walked by with some staff to get their breakfasts, Heather discreetly waving to me as they passed. I waved back and continued working and would soon feel a child of my own stuck to my side.

"Hey, kid," I said, bumping my nose against his cheek. "Wanna help me with these? Just need ya to put them in the sink for me."

"Sure!" he squeaked, taking a damp shirt and putting it in the sink. "Are you happy about today?"

"I sure am," I said, matter-of-fact. "I'm mostly lookin' forward to spending it with both of ya."

He giggled as he took a pair of pants from my hand.

"Ya mind if I ask you something, Riv?" I proposed, scrubbing another shirt.

"Hm?"

"You like my bein' here, right?" I awkwardly asked. "I'm not, say, in the way or interrupting anything, am I? I know I kinda came outta nowhere 'n all--"

Instead of a verbal answer the little boy glommed onto me, his snout rubbing firmly against my cheek. Honestly that was a better answer than words could be.

"Heh, thank you, sometimes I just worry," I quietly said.

It wasn't too long before Reverend came down the hall, a look of both frustration and amusement toward my current activity. With his own clothes in hand he carefully put them in the washtub, grabbing a board and sitting by me to help with the load. I guess he knew there wasn't a point in fighting about it so this was the next best thing. Couldn't help but notice his slight leaning on me as we worked. It was the little things.

He and Riv took the damp clothes outside to the clothesline as I dumped the spent water down the sink. Just afterward I'd hear a knock on the front door and with the other two still outside I figured I'd go answer. Opening the door the ramiotrans from the carpentry shop stood just outside. While I could certainly grasp they were here for the occasion, I couldn't help but tilt my head over the sight.

"Hey, Daniel," Kuri said. "Reverend told me it was your birthday celebration this weekend so I rounded everyone up for the morning. I hope you don't mind."

"N...No, not at all," I said, scratching my head. "I'm just surprised is all. I didn't think I made much of an impression."

"Naw, we like ya just fine," Ulimi said, carrying some bags of groceries. "We're always happy to see ya and hear about what all's going on. You're just as valued here as Reverend and his kid, you know, and we see just how hard ya work for them. Don't think we don't notice."

It was strange to be valued beyond my job. I blinked back my tears and let them in, Riv and Reverend coming through the hallway corridor just in time. Each person gave me a warm, firm hug and it was surprisingly hard not to cry over it. Ulimi and Tamani infiltrated the lounge to put together an interesting breakfast of fried eggs on flatbread slathered with a kind of bean paste, then topped with a chunky red vegetable sauce and crumbly white cheese. The whole thing was served with a side of fried potatoes, ham, and onions and it was a wonderfully complex, fragrant experience. I'd certainly make this myself later.

We ate outside in the sprawling back yard, the other pure kids wondering what all was going on. Just to be nice the two in the kitchen made some for them, too. The weather was nice and breezy, warming up after the dry winter and surely to Riv's delight as he waved his arms through the grass. After a nice get-together Yua and Shindi washed up the dishes while Kuri hauled around the excited child outside a little longer. Ulimi's bag apparently kept a surprise for me in the form of a small stack of books Reverend thought I might like, going by my current tastes. They actually were titles I'd considered buying myself, so the gesture was more than accurate and definitely appreciated. Riv would finally present to me a lovely drawing of all three of us in the infirmary, which was precious. I'd later hang it up in there when I had a chance.

After the pleasant outing the ramiotrans went on their way back into town and Kuri went upstairs to bed. After they left I just stood in the lobby for a moment, my hands in my pockets, thinking over just how much had changed in just half a year. It wasn't long before I felt Riv's arm around mine and Reverend's hand on my shoulder, my turning around to hug both of them before we, too, carried on our day.

Breakfast had been eaten late so our lunch was a simple assortment of sandwiches and fruit with some lemonade. As I looked in the icebox Ulimi had brought over some chicken, cream cheese, mushrooms, and even some white wine. I remembered back to a recipe from home my parents would make for each other on occasion and thought I could make it here. Of course I'd modify the recipe just a bit for our youngest.

We spent much of the afternoon in one of the staff rooms, just passing the time. I started reading one of the new books while Reverend sat beside me trying new calligraphy designs. It was so nice to see him finally indulge in a hobby, something entirely his own and the little smile he'd wear as he worked never failed to call forth one of my own. Riv sat nearby coloring away at that ream of paper and soon it'd be time to get him another.

"Y'all hungry yet?" I asked at around four o' clock. "I've got something in mind to make but it'll take about an hour."

"I'm certainly getting there," Reverend said, standing up to stretch. "Riv?"

"Mhm!" chimed in the kid.

"Before I get too far here, do either of ya dislike mushrooms?" I asked. "It's a pretty common food to dislike so I thought I'd ask."

Both of them shook their heads. Good, I didn't have to leave anything out, though I was quite surprised.

We went downstairs and back to the staff lounge. I pulled out a large pot and filled it with hot water, setting it aside on the stove to boil as I set out the cream cheese to soften. Reverend grabbed a large skillet as per my request and added butter and thyme, melting the butter over medium heat. With careful handling of the knife I helped Riv cut up the mushrooms and add them to the skillet to fry, stirring them around until coated and letting them rest in the heat for a few minutes from here. As Riv held a bowl Reverend would scoop out the mushrooms once I said it was time, the small man touching his snout to the boy's head for his steady hands.

I prepped the cuts of chicken with salt and pepper, turning the skillet's heat a bit higher before adding the chicken to the pan to sear.

"Okay, you two," I said, "with this you wanna leave it be for a short time until the bottom side is done searing. If it's still stuck to the pan, it's not done yet. When it comes off on its own you can flip it over."

They seemed to understand, keeping watch as I broke a large handful of long pasta in half. While typically I wouldn't, I thought it would be easier for Riv to eat this way as I remembered my mom doing for me when I was his age. With my handfuls I dropped them in the pot to boil, waiting with the other two as the chicken seared. Reverend jiggled the pan a bit to check until the cut was finished, then turned it over to sear the other side. Once both sides were done I set it aside, covered, and turned the heat down to low.

Riv held a measuring cup for me as I poured the white wine until I was satisfied with the volume. Carefully he poured it into the skillet and watched intently as I scraped the glaze from the bottom of the pan.

"And if you're curious, this is deglazing," I said, rubbing the pan with a turner. "The glaze, or fond, is what sits in the pan here and has a lot of the flavor from what all ya cooked, so don't waste it. We'll need this for what we'll be makin' with it."

Reverend tilted his head as I allowed a short time for the wine to cook down. In the meantime he diced the cream cheese in a bowl, my pouring the hot wine over top once it was ready. He and Riv took turns stirring it together as I checked the pasta. It was ready to drain, so I did so carefully in the sink, raking back my ears through the steam. By now their sauce was ready, so I dumped the pasta into their bowl and they followed up with mixing it all together nice and even. As Riv poured in the mushrooms I set out the plates in our usual spots and cut the chicken from earlier, still plenty warm.

With a steady hand Reverend placed a helping of the creamy pasta on each plate and Riv poured everyone a glass of milk. Once their parts were finished I topped the helpings with slices of the chicken, completing the meal. Everyone took their places and dove right in, and from the looks on their faces they were plenty happy with the result.

Dinner was pleasant and very filling. While Reverend tended to the dishes Riv and I went outside to retrieve and fold the laundry. This had been one of the better birthdays I ever had and I felt nothing but fortunate to be here, to have had people close to me I could share these things with. After I stood back up with the folded laundry I nudged Reverend atop his head as he continued with the dishes before taking everything upstairs.

As the night went on we resumed our time in the staff room, going well into the evening just spending time together. Such a thing really was all I wanted, after all. We agreed to let Riv stay up an extra hour for the occasion, a privilege he was all too happy to take. Of course, and likely from the dense food, he'd begin falling asleep leaned against me before then, so at ten I scooped him up to bring to our room for the night. With his stuffed animals in his arms and himself snug under the covers Reverend and I gave him a nudge goodnight, returning together to the staff room until we were tired enough to follow suit. We passed the time with some idle chat, talking about our hobbies, interests, or things we'd like to do over the next weeks. Nothing major or profound, but pleasant and familiar...how I wanted it to be.

It wasn't long from here before we were also getting tired. We took a change of sleepwear from the bedroom to change in the bathroom stalls. As we both started walking back the smaller man grabbed onto my arm, holding it gently as we returned to the bedroom for the night. A quick look down brought to my eyes a sleepy and small, shy little smile that kept me going.

Once in the bedroom with the door locked tight we crawled into bed, but lay closer to the wall to let the smallest of us sleep peacefully. Reverend had lain quite close along my side as I lay on my back, just enjoying the time before we'd drift off.

"Was there anything special you wanted?" he asked in a whisper. "It's your birthday and all."

"...In bed?" I asked back.

He just sighed.

"...I can't really think of anything, no," I answered, smiling.

"Really, now?" he continued, eyelids heavy. "For someone who was so adamant that there was something I wanted for my occasion I find that a bit hard to believe."

"Really," I assured. "Like I said before, I'm a simple man. I ain't too hard to please, so don't worry 'bout me."

"...Nothing at all?" he asked, sounding almost disappointed.

"Reverend, please, you don't have to do anything for me. I'm more than happy with exactly what I have right here. It's very sweet that ya care, but really, I'm fine."

"It's...not because of me, is it?"

"Shh," I shushed, rolling to my side and putting my arm over him. "There's nobody else I'd rather be next to like this. You worry far too much."

"There's nothing at all I could do for you?" he pressed on. "...Surely there's something on your mind. You made mine special so I'd like to do the same for you. Please?"

I sighed.

"...For the past couple'a months, I admit, there was...something I'd been wondering about, but thought it was...maybe a bit too much for either of us," I said, already feeling my ears falling to the side.

"The past couple of..." he trailed off in thought. "...When my father was here?"

My face tensed and I looked away. Admitting this was pretty embarrassing, especially with how childish I acted that day. I really had only intended it as a petty jab against his asshole father, but as that day carried on I found myself thinking in circles and hoping I hadn't just ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me.

"I'm...sorry to bring all of that back up," I sighed. "It's not terribly important, just...something I'd thought about here and there. I'm sorry."

"Is there some reason you're only telling me this now?" he asked, head tilted to one side.

"...Well, what it is isn't...exactly the same thing, but it's similar," I hesitated. "I wouldn't blame you if it's something you didn't want to do with me. It's still...something people do when they're close."

"...Can I ask what it might be?" he inquired.

"There's a...gesture I'd always wanted to experience," I sighed. "It's, um..."

"...Yes?"

"U-Um...n...nuzzling."

"Is that all?"

I looked nervously to my side. It was a weird, kinda embarrassing thing to admit, though probably not too surprising for him. There was just something...sweet and pleasant about nuzzling that drew me, and probably why I had my strange morning and evening habits.

His small hands reached forward to comb through the long fur along the edge of my cheek. I slowly closed my eyes in comfort.

"...Am I special to you?" he asked.

I gulped and opened my eyes. He looked very worried and hesitant, those short ears of his fallen to the side as well. His hand rested on the side of my face in a soft, warm presence. I couldn't quite tell what answer he wanted, or what one he might expect.

I never...thought I would be in a position like this. I certainly never thought I would find the very things I wanted so much, those things I longed for without end, from anyone. I would have never dreamed to find another person who wanted the same things as I, just desiring the affection and contact without the extracurriculars or special titles. Growing up and even well into adulthood I never really harbored special feelings for anyone because I never got to know them as people, just figures in the background or in a workplace. It wasn't that I disliked them any, I just...couldn't really develop feelings for people I didn't know, regardless of gender. For a long time I used to think there might be something wrong with me, but...my attachment to and interest in people were...very much dependent on the person and who they were, it seemed, and not really at all to their body.

"Yes, Reverend," I conceded, "...you are very special to me. You're my best and closest friend, the first person to really humor me any. I love bein' here, I love you and Riv to bits. I wouldn't want something like that from just anyone. I...hope I'm special to you, too."

His big eyes slowly closed, seemingly to pause and think over what I said. I couldn't help but think that he likely felt the same way I did about all of this, but these things were hard to parse and being sleepy from the food wasn't helping.

He resumed his combing through my fur, my closing my eyes in a tired comfort.

"Of course you are, Daniel," came a hushed voice.

Before I could respond I felt a strange, soft pressure brush against the end of my snout. It repeated for a few seconds, an odd sensation I both knew and didn't that stoked a warmth in my chest before parting. I slowly blinked my eyes open as he looked back to me, his ears still fallen back and eyes full of nervousness.

"...I-I hope that...wasn't too bad," he stuttered, awkwardly laughing.

My face felt warm and all I could do was return with my own awkward smile and vain attempts at blinking back the moisture welling in my eyes. While I had my habits, it was something else to...receive them directly like that.

"...Thank you."

He shyly smiled and rolled over back toward Riv, oblivious to everything, and draped his thin arm over the sleeping boy. I came closer and did the same over both of them, nestling the end of my snout in Reverend's hair and drifting off to some of the best, most comfortable sleep I had in years.

***

---

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  • Comments
  • kynikossdragonn said:
    I wonder how much of a pain it is to shower all that fur...

    also wow, large man nuzzling small man.

    I'll bet the shampoo business in anthro world is booming. lol

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  • Goodness this is just so incredibly sweet. I just, oh it makes me fawn reading this. I applaud how you can make it feel so much more domestic and emotionally intimate instead of it being overbearing and physical. I think Ive sunken genuine hours going through three of these episodes at a time because of how I just grip onto every detail. You're truely amazing at this.

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  • Ratte

    Former Staff

    loversinwar said:
    Goodness this is just so incredibly sweet. I just, oh it makes me fawn reading this. I applaud how you can make it feel so much more domestic and emotionally intimate instead of it being overbearing and physical. I think Ive sunken genuine hours going through three of these episodes at a time because of how I just grip onto every detail. You're truely amazing at this.

    thank you!

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  • Holy shit nearly 5k words. But it was a good 5k words. Again, I love the interjection of Daniel's pov. It not only helps me understand his thoughts and actions better, but it add layers of depth to the story.
    The way Riv is written really jumps out at me, he seems like such a bubbly child, and very accurate to his age. Glad to see he's in such good hands, with the two cool dudes.

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