Description
A Greater Society - Chapter 89: The Inevitable Question by Ratte
Story
More days went by.
More weeks, probably at least a month or two. I'd lost track after a while, always finding myself surprised when the workweek was over and I'd collect my pay. Morissey always seemed like he wanted to say something, but he either deliberately held back or couldn't find the words to express his thoughts. Though I should be by now, it wasn't something I was used to.
Fortunately he seemed to take well to Connor, the new resident. I could tell it weighed on him, in a way, how young he was and the reason for his enrollment. While, yes, it comes with the job, this was something a little more personal.
I wondered if he ever wanted children. He did, after all, involve himself with Stella despite the knowledge of her son.
...I wondered further if he might have resented me for my role as his foster father. Couldn't say I'd blame him, if so, given what all he told me.
What was interesting to me was Connor's lack of inhibition around pure types like Morissey, Daniel, and myself. Given the likely transient background of he and his mother, it was anyone's guess if they'd run into issues with pures being this far south. Connor was so young that it's possible he just hadn't formed the association yet if this were the case, but I admit that, even if it were, I was...glad that, for the first time, an incoming resident didn't fear me.
It also amused me how quickly he'd taken to Sura, and fortunately she didn't seem too bothered by this. I'd hazard a guess it was due to how she looked, as given Connor's appearance Sura probably looked superficially similar to his mother. Even through my workload and exhaustion I found myself silently, privately smiling as he glued himself to her tail out in the lobby. She'd stroke his head and hug him close to her side, fulfilling albeit an awkward surrogate mother role.
And, of course, Riv would tease her about her new "pet".
In the meantime we'd taken on a few new pure residents, allowing me a slight increase in pay. Despite this I still worked the usual loads, trying what all I could to put away savings to hopefully get us out of here, and with some to spare so we wouldn't start with nothing. Few things were more terrifying than restarting entirely from scratch and with nothing to your name.
I also couldn't help but notice how Morissey seemed...almost relieved, in a way, to introduce the new residents. I wasn't sure why that could be, or if I might just be projecting. He was hard to read, even after all these years, so I didn't broach the subject lest I misread and possibly offend him somehow.
One thing I did notice was a visible, growing disdain between Riv and the workers in the house. I couldn't be everywhere -- hell, I could hardly be away from my desk long enough to use the bathroom -- so what this might be about was up to the imagination. At the very least I was sure it was his way of doubling down after putting up with their nonsense for all these years-- in his own home, no less. Thing is, at the age of sixteen he was now much larger than even the tallest employee, standing proud at a healthy six-foot-four. He even towered over Daniel, the one so many employees distanced from over a size disparity. Their fear of my son was tangible, the tension hanging thick in the air whenever a space was shared between parties. Riv seemed to tune into this and kept close to the others, appointing himself a custodian of sorts.
Given the looks of the staff, it was a good choice. They'd nervously stare from the hallway corridor and he'd stare back from under his cap, gaze cold and unwavering. Sometimes I'd even see him scoot a little closer to the others at the table while he and Sura helped Saffron with schoolwork or Connor with letters and numbers.
One strange thing I did notice was how Riv would often stare at me in a similar fashion, but I wasn't sure what, specifically, this could be about. I'd not been the kindest person over the past couple of years, but this seemed a little deeper. I had certainly been trying to shape up, to act like how we all used to, but the checks and balances this involved were risky and taxing.
Come a Saturday evening I'd taken some of my extra work upstairs into my bedroom while Daniel and the others spent time in the nearby staff room. I kept the door mostly closed, just not latched, yet from across the room a soft knock would echo. Though not loud it still managed to startle me, my jumping and quickly looking up from my desk.
"Y-Yes?" I called, unsure of whom this might be.
I wasn't graced with a response, their choosing to take my words as allowance of admission. I guess that was fair.
The door opened and from behind it walked in my son, bending down to clear the doorway before returning the door to its previous state. He briefly looked to me before turning his gaze aside. His apparent nervousness piqued me.
"...Is something wrong?" I asked from my desk.
"...I want to know something," he answered from his distance.
I wasn't used to this amount of seriousness, but maybe this would answer some of my own questions. Putting my pen down on my desk I folded my hands out in front of me, covering my assignment to let him know he had my full attention. After a moment he started slowly stepping toward my desk, his face stricken with a complex mix of concern and confusion.
I could only really tilt my head as he drew closer and finally stopped just past the edge of my desk.
"What's bothering you so?" I quietly asked.
His face tensed and one of his hands reached up to grasp his other arm with a firm squeeze.
"...Did..." he started.
"Hm?"
"D...Did you..."
It was strange seeing him so shaken, a young man so much larger than I could ever hope to be. Regardless I stayed silent, allowing him all the time he needed to put together his thoughts. Time seemed to slow to a crawl despite the objections from my desk clock. He sighed and tried to start over.
"...What happened when I was eight?" he asked.
My heart skipped a beat and it felt like I'd suffered a blow to the sternum. I couldn't choke out a response, my mouth moving slower than my head.
"...D-Did you...m...molest me?" finally came those lethal words.
"Absolutely not!" I said as loudly as I could. "Th-That was never my intention!"
His brow furrowed harder as his gaze stayed with the floor.
"Riv, I am so, so sorry for what I did," I cried from my chair. "I swear to you that I never meant any of what happened. I would never, ever mean to hurt you or any of my children!"
"...Then...what happened?" he asked again. "Daniel told me all those years ago, but...I've heard things, a-and--"
"H-Heard things?" I interjected.
"F-From your staff," he answered, clearly shaken. "It's...It's vague, but they've s-said things in passing."
"What have they said?" I interrogated, trying to keep some modicum of composure.
"...Things about you, me, and Daniel," he replied, his grip tightening around his brachium. "Really gross things. I know most of those things didn't happen, but...g-given that one incident, I...I-I have some questions."
"You...You say it's vague, but in what sense?" I asked further.
I remembered all too well the rumors spread by old guard all those years ago. Worse yet, I remember the notes they'd leave me in my room and around the house. I'd hoped that I found them before anyone else did, save the one Heather discovered, but thinking back it'd been a while since I'd seen one laying around.
"They never say when things happened, I guess, and just say some months or years ago," he responded. "I...can't always tell what's true and what ain't given the...given the things I know."
"...Could I ask you what Daniel told you?" I inquired.
"...Um, I'd...rather you tell me your side first," Riv said.
...Fair.
I took a deep breath, bringing up one of my hands to rub my face and forehead in an attempt to collect my thoughts. This wasn't something I wanted anyone to know about, especially my own children and especially given my current state. While I'd been able to rein in the corruption I was presently experiencing, keeping it from getting worse, it was still something I had to hide even today.
"I was...not in a good state, Riv," I finally spoke after my pause. "Th...There was a lot going on that you didn't know about, that you were far too young to be burdened with, and it was affecting me physically. I was...I guess you could say I was sick with something, but not like a fever or cold."
"...'Sick'?" he asked.
"That's...probably one of the better ways I can describe it," I answered. "When a person is sick they feel miserable and do things they might not do normally, like vomit or sleep all day. You remember when you contracted E. coli as a child?"
"Y-Yeah?"
"It's sort of like that, how you feel horrible and act differently because of how horrible you feel. The thing is, not all illnesses are as physical as that, like the flu and so on."
He tilted his head as I brought my hands back up to my face, burying my snout in my small palms and digging my fingers into my forever-messy hair.
"...Some illnesses are much deeper, much harder to recover from," I murmured, not wanting to be overheard beyond my audience of one. "S...Some ache at your very core, Riv, and it's...it's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it for themselves."
"...That's what it was?"
"...Yes, that's what it was," I sighed. "I-I never meant to hurt anyone, especially you. The very idea makes me feel sick to my stomach."
"Then...why did it happen?"
"Honey, I don't want to burden you with--"
"Father, please...just tell me," he solemnly requested. "I'm not a little kid anymore."
"...I'm sorry, Riv, but there are still things I can't tell you," I said, bracing for the worst. "At least not yet."
He looked disappointed, though I expected that much at minimum. Nobody likes being left in the dark, but the risk was far greater than the reward at this point in time.
I stood up from my desk, my legs half-asleep and my gait unsteady. Clutching the edge of the top I slowly walked out from behind my little prison to come as face-to-face with my son as my height would allow. He seemed unsure, looking at me for only a split second before his eyes darted elsewhere.
"I don't...like keeping this from you, but I promise I have good reason for it, okay?" I said, reaching my hand up to press it gently against his cheek. "I also promise that I'll tell you everything as soon as I am able."
"...Why can't you tell me now?" he asked.
"...Because, honey, there is a great risk that currently accompanies the truth," I said from below. "Please...just trust me, if you can. I know this is asking a lot, but...I really need it."
He sighed. An affirmation in itself, I suppose.
"And...might I ask my own question?"
His ears perked a bit. I guess he didn't expect to be on the other end of the exchange.
"I know you're...probably upset with me given all you've heard, but...can I ask why you're so shy about looking at me?" I finally came forward. "I've noticed this going on for a little while now. Are you alright?"
"...M-My eyes are creepy and I don't like making anyone look at them," he confessed. "I hear your staff make comments about it a lot and it's...getting old, I guess."
"The staff?"
"...The pure kids too, sometimes," he continued. "Usually the older ones. For some reason the littler ones don't seem to care, or at least not as much."
My brow furrowed and my other hand reached up to his open cheek, my gently grasping his face.
"Please look at me," I softly commanded.
He did so after a few seconds, his round ears dipping back behind his head as though bracing for something.
"Nothing about you is creepy, Arivus," I said, rubbing my thumbs through his cheek fur. "Your eyes are bright, shining, and beautiful, with a lovely color I've never seen before. If anyone says otherwise they're just trying to hurt you. A lot of people lie to hurt others, but it's still a lie."
He'd cringed a little from my using his full name, but given the seriousness of the matter I wanted to drive my point home.
"Do you understand?" I asked, looking for some kind of response.
"...I think so."
"Good," I said, wrapping my tiny arms around my son, "and I really am sorry I can't explain everything just yet. The moment I can do so, I will, and that is my promise."
He said nothing, but slowly wrapped his arms around me to reciprocate my hug. That would suffice.
---
A few more months passed and we found ourselves in the throes of summer.
Judging by what the calendar claimed and what I remembered from the personal files, it would be Connor's birthday before too long. I'd taken on some more assignments to both compensate for the coming-and-going of pure residents and to ensure I could get the sweet little boy something nice for his fourth birthday. Fortunately he had the basics of food, clothing, and shelter, but I wanted to do all I could to provide a real life, and not just a glorified homeless hostel.
They were my children, damn it, and I would provide all I could, as I could.
I'd barely started on my day's work before my concentration was broken by a horrible din. Discordant yelling barreled down the hall and assaulted my ears, making me jump nearly out of my skin. Looking down at my desk I'd at least managed to avoid scrawling black ink all over my assignments.
Giving in to my curiosity I stood up from my chair, tired as I was, and pushed past the heavy desk arm. I was initially struck with dizziness having stood up too quickly and on only a couple hours of sleep, but I was determined to see what this commotion was about. My feet carried me down the hall toward the origin of the noise, which seemed to be one of the kitchens.
"What on earth?"
I poked my head into the lefthand kitchen to find Riv surrounded by three staffmembers. Their cries overlapped far too much for my foggy head to discern.
"...What seems to be the problem here?" I softly called through their yelling.
"Your damn mongrel was caught stealing from our kitchen," one hissed as they all turned to me.
"...Is that so?" I asked, unsure if I believed such and turning to Riv.
"...We're out of milk and Connor needs it more than the pure kids," he huffed. "They're all plenty old enough to go without."
...We were out of milk? I could have sworn we just purchased some the other day, but maybe time got away from me.
"...Well, that doesn't justify stealing," I chastised. "If we're without something, please just tell me or Daniel."
Something in his eyes hinted at a bigger story, but without the words to convey the thoughts I could only speculate. He didn't seem willing to say anything more, which only confused me further. This, however, seemed not the time nor place.
"I-In any event," I sighed, "I'm very sorry for the theft and I'd be willing to compen--"
"Theft of property is illegal, you know," another one complained and grabbed Riv's arm. "We'll be filing a report about this."
"What the hell?" I asked. "Over some milk? Really?"
"Property is property and theft is theft," the last one chimed in, unbuckling and folding his belt, pulling it sharply with a loud whip-like snap. "If you're not going to punish your little shit, then we will."
"Excuse me?" I stepped forward, grabbing one of the staff's arms. "That's quite enough. Let him go."
"Get off of me," he quipped, flinging his arm free from my hand.
I felt my hand reach for the knife in my pocket, but stopped myself before I could finish my motion. A step that severe would only get him hurt, and likewise letting them do as they wanted would pan out the same.
Only one option.
"I said 'let him go'," I bellowed, grabbing that arm again and digging my sharp claws just enough into his skin to get my message across. "I will take care of this and compensate you for the financial loss, now step the hell off."
To my disbelief they did as I demanded, my taking my son around the arm. Not content to just take me at my word they turned to follow me down the hall, out to the lobby, and stopped short of entering my supply room. I dug around to find a stub of rope, damaged from use, and gulped at the thought of what I had to do.
"Please find it within you to forgive what I'm about to do," I whispered to myself before returning to the lobby and closing the supply room door.
Riv was pushed forward by a staffmember. I was honestly surprised he'd not turned around to deck the lot of them as, were I in his position, I don't think I'd have the same self-control.
"...Turn around, please," I requested.
He silently did so, even bringing his wrists together. I bound his wrists in a loose knot, one that wouldn't be difficult to escape from should he try. The staff either didn't notice or didn't care, satisfied enough with his restraint.
I nudged him forward, pushing past the staff, and sat him down in the lobby across from the front door. I placed my hand on his head, subtly patting his hair as I turned around to again face the trio.
"I will keep him out here for the morning," I said. "You'll receive your compensation at the end of the day."
They were surprisingly compliant, silently leaving the lobby to return to their tasks. I sighed after their departure, turning back to face my son. He was having none of it, staring blankly forward. An understandable response, all things considered.
"I will be back in a few minutes," I quietly said. "Please just...work with me with all of this."
I left the lobby to quickly head upstairs, a knot having grown in my stomach from the ordeal. I'd barely reached a toilet before tasting my bitter coffee a second time, heaving until only bile remained. There was no time to hug the toilet, my rinsing my mouth and taking a few large gulps of water in a vain attempt at soothing my burning throat.
I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, greeted with the sight of a trembling, exhausted shell of a man-- dull eyes lined with bags, hair and fur unkempt. Even my ears seemed to stand as weakly as my legs.
...And yet, as awful as all of this had been, I couldn't shake the feeling that the day still had it out for me.
---
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Tarov
MemberI like to see Riv and Rev having a moment again--it's been too long. I miss the older chapters where they could live a (relatively) happy life.
God I hate the staff, every exchange they have with Reverend makes me hate them more. And to do that to (who is essentially still) a child. God they're all so punchable.
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