Impossible. Perhaps the archives are incomplete?

relicfox said:
Yeah......Umbreon is litterarly the worst of the group....They litterarly sweat poison and they even become Umbreons by being ''unhappy'' with their trainers. That is a big'ol bag of trouble if you stick your D in that!

the meta would like to have a word with you

relicfox said:
Yeah......Umbreon is litterarly the worst of the group....They litterarly sweat poison and they even become Umbreons by being ''unhappy'' with their trainers. That is a big'ol bag of trouble if you stick your D in that!

It evolves by being incredibly happy at nighttime, though.

No way in hell did vaporeon get nerfed.

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

Doesn't have context, but this copypasta is just too good. I won't lose this chance

taking in consideration everythingng, glaceon and flareon may be the worst, as you heavily risk to get either third degree burns and frostbite

Yes show us please

fox_crown said:
taking in consideration everythingng, glaceon and flareon may be the worst, as you heavily risk to get either third degree burns and frostbite

They arent made of fire and ice, they are still at best mammals so they can maintain normal body temps.

Vaporeon hearing the news: https://youtu.be/XaPLrh8L4-A

momotaro26 said:
They arent made of fire and ice, they are still at best mammals so they can maintain normal body temps.

"Normal" their both offset dramatically from normal but they would be still generally ok,

geragon said:
Yes show us please

YES

Pokedex says that flareons can be up to 1600°f on the inside but I'd assume they can turn down the oven.

Umbreon is my favorite eeveelution but the copypasta is about Vap

momotaro26 said:
They arent made of fire and ice, they are still at best mammals so they can maintain normal body temps.

i said "risk", not "you surely get"

relicfox said:
Yeah......Umbreon is litterarly the worst of the group....They litterarly sweat poison and they even become Umbreons by being ''unhappy'' with their trainers. That is a big'ol bag of trouble if you stick your D in that!

Except in order to get an Umbreon, you have to train an Eevee with high-level friendship at night. It's basically the same as Espeon. You get an Eevee's friendship to a high level and train them during the day to get Espeon or at night to get Umbreon (making sure they don't learn a Fairy-Type move or they become Sylveon).

noteuropeansavior said:
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

Doesn't have context, but this copypasta is just too good. I won't lose this chance

Ferb...
I KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO TODAY!

She's even a shiny. Even better.

Isn't umbreon sweat poisonous?

bluthedeer said:
Impossible. Perhaps the archives are incomplete?

Then we must cum-plete them. For science!

noteuropeansavior said:
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

Doesn't have context, but this copypasta is just too good. I won't lose this chance

Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it. Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, "but garr890354839! Your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!" This is not true. Didn't the Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016 say that "It can control its body temperature at will?" If you don't want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature. Simple as that! This way, you can passionately hug it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more. Now onto its moves... which are all incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your pleasure times two! It can also learn Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days! It can also use Hail. Combine the Hail with Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop enduring all your "hits," so you can "Play Rough" with it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for over 24 hours straight! It may be best if you move inside, though, as the hail will decrease your HP. It can learn Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn as well, allowing it to get itself and you right in the mood! It can even learn Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It can use Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into its absolutely GODLY SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with it, you'll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack. It doesn't get rid of the Barrier boosts, either. It can do this over and over WHILE you're fucking it, so long as you have enough ethers! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of love-making! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make you do it how IT wants! Which means it may not just be pleasurable for you, it'd also be pleasurable for your Glaceon! It can learn Aurora Veil, too. In the Hail, Aurora Veil protects it even MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can make love to it for days without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon can also learnn Refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Eeveelution you can make love with.

Espeon: AMATEURS!
Umbreon et al.: What?
Espeon: AMATEURS! Do you know that I could be better for this sorta thing?!